And we're back!
We're about to finally, finally find out what's going on with Peter Weber and his journey to find love after last night's wild and crazy ride, during which both Hannah Ann and Madison met Peter's parents, but only one made a good impression.
By the end of the night, Peter's parents had begged him to choose Hannah Ann (with Pete's mom declaring she's an angel on earth), and Madison had broken up with Peter and left, but Pete still couldn't just decide to be with Hannah Ann, or even tell Hannah Ann that Madison was gone.
The promo at the end of the episode revealed that Madison returns, but we don't yet know how or when or why. We've seen a ring in promos, but is there a proposal? Would either of these women even still be willing to be with Peter after witnessing that conversation with his family?
We're about to find out, and once again, we'll be here the whole time, updating this post live as the night goes on.
8:03 p.m.: Live Chris Harrison is back to tell us some wild things are about to go down. The evidence? Kelley's in the audience. Neil Lane is in the audience, with his ring-filled briefcase. Barb and Pete Sr. are in the audience, with Barb in all black. Mourning, perhaps? Unclear.
8:04 p.m.: Pete jogs through the Australian outback, musing about how things happen for a reason, and he has true love with Hannah Ann.
8:05 p.m.: Neil Lane arrives (in the past), and Pete picks out a ring. He's 100% certain, he says. He wants to propose to Hannah. He wants to choose her every day.
8:06 p.m.: Pete calls Hannah Ann's dad, and gets his blessing. He's psyched. He's happier than we've seen him maybe all season, but we've all heard how "unique" this ending is, so there's no way this is about to go well...
8:08 p.m.: Hannah Ann, who still doesn't know Madison has peaced out, is having a freak out in her hotel room, laying on her bed in that way we all do when we just don't know what to do with ourselves.
8:09 p.m.: Chris Harrison arrives to finally give Pete the info he just found out about, that's been teased since the beginning: He's not sure Hannah Ann is coming to the proposal. Twist!
8:16 p.m.: Hannah Ann is in a car, while Peter's freaking out. This makes no sense, he says. But then Chris comes with good news: She's coming. She's on her way.
8:16:39 p.m.: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HER MADISON LEFT, YOU IDIOT, we yell at our screens. If we were near our bed right now we'd be pulling a Hannah Ann (see above).
8:17 p.m.: "Hi Chris Harrison," Hannah Ann says as she arrives for the unnecessarily long walk to the unnecessary proposal platform, still understandably panicking over Pete's "my heart is being pulled in two directions" speech.
8:18 p.m.: Hannah Ann desperately tries not to fall as she walks towards the man she thinks still might propose to someone else.
8:19 p.m.: Pete reminds us that he gave Hannah Ann his first impression rose, so many moons ago, and takes 12 full years to get to a point where it becomes even sort of clear to Hannah Ann that he is choosing Hannah Ann. He doesn't even say Madison left until halfway through his speech, like some kind of reality television script writer.
8:21 p.m.: "I love you, I love you, I love you," he says.
8:23 p.m.: Live Chris Harrison is here to sow some doubt: "It looks like we finally have the happy couple we wanted...or do we?" Chris, you trickster.
8:31 p.m.: Live Chris Harrison welcomes us back, and the camera pans to Barb, who seems ready with some things to say. But we'll have to wait for that.
8:33 p.m.: Pete reunites with his family in LA a week after the proposal and proves he really is a master of holding out on the important information. He talked forever before finally telling his fam it was their earth angel Hannah Ann to whom he was betrothed.
8:34 p.m.: Barb LOSES HER DAMN MIND. "I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET MY DAUGHTER!"
8:35 p.m.: The fam Facetimes with Hannah Ann, who just can't wait to be a part of this family.
8:36 p.m.: Finally, the live aspect of this live finale pays off, and Peter comes out to join Chris Harrison, and to talk about how there was "no way" to put away those feelings for Madison...and that's it, before a break.
8:42 p.m.: Hannah Ann pays a visit to Peter in LA after a whole month of them not seeing each other, and things are awk.
"I think we both know this has been hard," she says, and Pete says he's thankful for her being his "most amazing rock."
He says he's been honest with her about everything, and there's no doubt that he's fallen in love with her, and he loves her, but he's strugglin'.
"It just kills me to put you through this, and see you give everything, and have me be where I'm at, and I hate that," he says.
"When I said yes to you, I said yes to a partnership, and I said yes to us being teammates and us working through things together, and the love I have to give will endure the absolute worst, but if you can't give me that love in return, then that's not a relationship," she says. Oh boy! "It has to be 50/50."
8:46 p.m.: "I never intended to give my heart to two people," he says, marveling at how she's still there.
"I want so badly to be able to give you everything, give you my entire heart, because that's what you do to me and that's everything you deserve, and I can't do that. I'm so sorry," he says.
"You took away from me my first engagement," Hannah Ann says, handling this better than any woman should ever have to. "You took that away from me, because I trusted you, and that's what you continued to ask me to do."
8:48 p.m.: Cut to the live audience with some truly devastating dramatic music. Pete's sad. Barb's sad. Oh Pete. You done f---ed up.
8:53 p.m.: Pete follows after Hannah Ann, who has gone elsewhere, down the hall past the photobooth (where the hell are they?) to cry, but these are not the tears of Bachelor contestants like we've been seeing all season. These are angry tears. These are the tears of a woman scorned, and Hannah Ann handles this situation in a way that even Barb claps for (though Barb might automatically be on Team Earth Angel Hannah Ann.
8:55 p.m.: It's clear Pete is the one who will not survive this. Hannah Ann is calm but livid as Pete is desperate to talk to her.
"I'm sorry, but your words, you can't be true to them. So why would I hear you out anymore? I feel betrayed enough. You betrayed me. And you know it. See? That's all I need to hear. And I'll be able to move forward knowing that you've owned up to it. I'm going to get my life back on track now, where it originally was before. You know, I'm strong, and I've been my own rock throughout this, and you don't have to worry about me."
GET. IT. GIRL.
Hannah Ann allows Peter to hold her hand on the way to the car, but no more. He tries to say goodbye, and she's not about that.
"Leave. Leave. Bye."
And a new GIF is born.
9:05 p.m.: Hannah Ann sits down on live TV with a lot to say, and it's a lot of things we've all been thinking over the past 24 hours (plus two months): Words matter. He should have told her the full truth before the engagement. Everything he did was a mess.
9:08 p.m.: "I had no idea what I was saying yes to."
9:11 p.m.: Hannah Ann gets the last word, and it's a doozy: "Peter, we've been through a lot together, and I should have really picked up on the first red flag you gave to me, was when you wanted to reach out to Hannah Brown to find closure with her. So really, looking back on it, our engagement involved three women: Me, you still being in love with Madison and proposing to me, and you needing closure with Hannah Brown. That's three women involved in our engagement that I was completely blindsided to. So word of advice: If you want to be with a woman, you need to become a real man.
Even Barb clapped at that. (Though admittedly, Barb clapped at everything Hannah Ann said.)
9:16 p.m.: Live Chris Harrison reveals to Peter, live, that he took a trip to Auburn, Alabama to talk to Madison.
9:18 p.m.: The Barb cam lurks in the corner while Madison talks about how she couldn't eat, couldn't sleep after she broke up with Pete, and Barb clearly is not a fan of Madi like she is of Hannah Ann, if that weren't already the most obvious thing in the world.
9:20 p.m.: Madison admits she had regrets, and asks Chris what happened after she left. At the news that he got engaged, she gets real upset, but then Chris reveals that Peter is not only now single, but the engagement ended because of Pete's feelings for her, and Chris believes that it's Pete's dream to be with Madison.
9:24 p.m.: As we watch Madison meet Peter by a mysterious pool, we can't help but wonder why it was Chris's job to go tell Madison what was up instead of letting Peter decide if he wants to reach out to her. Why did Chris take it upon himself to go to Auburn? Did he have some indication from Madison that she would want to get back together with Peter? What did they tell Peter about why he should stand by that pool? Why did he want to tell Madison that things had ended with Hannah Ann but wasn't willing to tell Hannah Ann that things had ended with Madison, back when that would have been helpful to know? What's your deal, Chris Harrison? Whose side are you on?
9:30 p.m.: Pete and Madison stand with their heads together, talking about how they messed up and messed up, and they still haven't fallen out of love with each other.
9:34 p.m.: Pete reveals that he hasn't seen Madison since that day, but he still loves her. So obviously Madison is about to walk out.
9:36 p.m.: Shockingly, Madison loves Peter too. Blah blah blah, she never stopped having love in her heart. Audience Barb is over it, and we are too.
9:38 p.m.: Pete admits he's made more mistakes than you could ever make as the Bachelor, and both he and Madison have hurt each other, and Chris just keeps asking how this thing is going to end, since nobody knows! And it appears that literally the end of this is...we're gonna take it one day at a time.
9:40 p.m.: Chris Harrison asks Barb her thoughts, and Barb. Is. Ready. Hannah Ann was so ready to embrace the Webers with love, she says, and Madison made them wait three hours and then didn't even apologize to them. She also said she wasn't madly in love with Peter, and wouldn't accept a proposal from him, and so it was much easier to love Hannah Ann than it was to love Madison.
Chris promises we're about to hash this out, and we are living for it.
9:47 p.m.: Madison's response to Pete's mom? It is what it is, she can't change the past, and she's only been exactly who she is.
But Barb is doubling down.
"Chris, he's going to have to fail to succeed. That's it. All his friends, all his family, everyone that knows him knows that it's not going to work. So we've been trying to help them. Would we want it to work? Yes," Barb says.
"I am telling you that I love Madison and that should be enough," Pete says.
Then it's dad's turn.
"Okay, honestly, I hate this situation. And it's telling to me that there is so many obstacles in this way to even get to this point that you don't even start a relationship like that. Anybody who is watching the show, again, we saw a lot more than the average person here, would understand that there is so many differences to overcome, and, you know, when you're getting into a relationship, that beginning should be the brightest spot, and it was anything but."
9:53 p.m.: Madison, clearly unhappy, says this is something she and Peter should just be talking about, and Chris Harrison agrees. But girl, our advice is to run, 'cause this in law relationship isn't going to get better. Everybody needs some space, some therapy, and some sleep.
Chris Harrison claims Clare Crawley is still on her way, but there's about five minutes left. Is there even time??!
9:58 p.m.: Clare is here, and she thinks she's getting Punk'd. Maybe we're all getting Punk'd, or maybe this is all a weird dream. Maybe we didn't actually just watch the dissolution of a family on live TV. Or at least maybe we can make ourselves all forget we ever saw it happen.
Bye bye, Peter and Madison and Barb. May you disappear happily ever after.
The Bachelor continues tonight at 8 p.m. on ABC.