A housewarming party from hell.
On Tuesday's season eight premiere of Vanderpump Rules, Lisa Vanderpump's current and former employees came together for a housewarming party at Katie Maloney-Schwartz and Tom Schwartz's new home. And, in typical Vanderpump Rules fashion, the bash was chock-full of drama.
In short, Jax Taylor was mad at Tom Sandoval for being an MIA best man, Scheana Shay was mad at TomTom manager Max Boyens for calling her boy crazy and everyone was mad at Kristen Doute for dragging out her breakup with Brian Carter.
But, we know you want more tea than that. So, let's get into the specifics…
At the start of the episode, Taylor revealed he was annoyed with Sandoval for being unresponsive ahead of his wedding (and had subsequently demoted him as best man). Apparently, the TomTom co-owner bailed on a "pre-bachelor party" due to Mother's Day plans.
While Sandoval claimed he told this to Taylor, the groom-to-be said he never received an explanation. Furthermore, Sandoval felt Taylor kept trying to "one-up" him when it came to their respective new homes.
As Sandoval expressed this grievance during a sit down with Taylor at the party, the SUR bartender defended that the "hostility" was brought about since Ariana Madix's man was neglectful.
"All I'm saying is, man, once in a while can you just say, 'Hey, dude! I'm still here for your wedding. I can't wait for your big day. Just letting you know I'm excited about the wedding,'" Brittany Cartwright's love relayed.
"I did text you that," Sandoval stated before pulling up text message evidence. "Look, look! 'After this week, let's get together. Let me know what I can help out with.'"
After seeing this text message (and the fact that he had responded to the note), Taylor conceded the fight and admitted he was simply trying to get Sandoval's attention.
"With Jax's wedding this summer, he's kind of enjoying this like power that he has," Sandoval added in a confessional. "I feel like he's definitely taken advantage of it."
Nonetheless, the two were able to hug it out and Sandoval was reinstated as Taylor's best man alongside Schwartz.
Of course, this wasn't the only drama to hit the housewarming party as Shay ended up in tears after former fling Boyens warned new SURver Brett Caprioni about her boy crazy ways.
"I'm gonna be honest with you. With Scheana, I mean I think we all know she's very boy crazy," Boyens told Caprioni. "It can be a little overwhelming at times."
Unfortunately, Maloney-Schwartz overheard this comment—and proceeded to tell Shay all about the conversation. As Shay and Boyens had maintained a friendship following their fling, the "Good As Gold" singer was understandably hurt by the remark.
"I don't like being called crazy. I'm not crazy," a tearful Shay said while confronting Boyens. "I'm over chasing boys. So, I'm not f--king crazy."
In an attempt to shut down the drama, Boyens told Shay he loved her and gave her a friendly hug. Although Boyens had appeased Shay, he didn't realize his current fling Dayna Kathan suspiciously watched the whole thing play out. Awkward!
Speaking of awkward, Doute found herself at odds with many of her friends after different versions of her breakup surfaced. Apparently, Doute told Maloney-Schwartz her ex Carter refused to move out.
However, Carter informed Lala Kent that the James Mae owner still wanted him around. Upon seeing Kent confront Carter, Doute demanded the Give Them Lala founder tell her what was discussed.
"You can't tell us that you're like really miserable and crying and then call Carter," Kent noted. "I don't like when people are confiding in me about something that couldn't be further from what's really going."
Per Doute, "things are messy," but she's "doing the best that [she] can." Unsurprisingly, Kent had no interest in hearing excuses and announced she was done trying to help her.
"Do me a favor and don't call me at all," Kent snapped. "‘Cause, you did bring it to my front door and now you're doing to me what you did to Katie and Stassi [Schroeder]. And, I'm not into it!"
After Doute called Kent a "bitch" and accused her of pulling "the Katie and Stassi card," Maloney-Schwartz entered the fight.
"Stop acting like no one's been there for you. Please, it's so tired and old. I'm gonna scream this in your ear so you get it," Schwartz's wife yelled. "Because, I'm tired of you talking about what an amazing friend you are and everyone's a sh--ty friend. That s--t is bulls--t. Get over yourself!"
With friends like these, who needs enemies, right?
Vanderpump Rules airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)