STEFAN ROUSSEAU/AFP/Getty ImagesWith just more than 50 days until the big day, Prince William and the striking Kate Middleton are pulling out all the stops—Lifetime movie, souvenirs, guest lists, you name it.
But we hear there is one underlying, ex-stewardess stirring the royal couple's pre-wedding pot:
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Kate's mom, Carole Middleton! Wills, best believe those British mums-in-law are the looniest. But, there is something about this lady that sets her apart from the rest.
Do we smell a cash cow?
Yes, indeed and a chain-smoking one at that!
Classy Carole was a flight attendant back in her day, and that's when she met hubby Michael Middleton, a former British Airways flight dispatcher—who now works as her sidekick in their party accessory company in the U.K.
Really though, what kind of a business woman would this broad be if she wasn't taking advantage of her daughter's new royal in-laws!
The Middletons are making money: Their mail-order business, Party Pieces, is set to release a range of party paraphernalia and accessories for Londoners planning to celebrate the royal wedding.
How is Buckingham Palace not P.O.'ed at this? It's a direct profit for Kate's feisty mommy dearest as a result of her daughter's entry into the royal family.
While the Middletons are relentlessly insisting that they are seeking no profit from their royal connection (duh), it just so happens that a Swedish customer requested they release the royal wedding themed accessories—set to come out mid-February. Just a coincidence!
However, there is one party souvenir Mrs. Middleton forgot—condoms. Royal Jewels Condoms of Distinction beat her to it, marketing their own line of royal protection in honor of William and Kate. Does K.Stew know about these gems?
Mommy Carole gets to shine on primetime: Lifetime has cast Serena Scott-Thomas, who some of you may remember as a Bond girl in The World is Not Enough, to play Kate's mum.
Means even Carole will get her Hollywood 15 minutes of fame. We're sure she wouldn't have it any other way.
Soap opera sweetie and fellow Brit Camilla Luddington, who has done TV stints on Days of Our Lives and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, will play the soon-to-be princess, and totally looks the part. Her on-screen prince, New Zealander Nico Evers-Swindell, is still set to play Wills.
This is sure to be a tear-jerker. It is Lifetime, after all.
And, what's with the dress?: There are times when we actually wish Kate was staring on TLC's Say Yes to the Dress (so below her, we know), but then at least the world would know who the ef is really designing that fancy dress of hers.
Word has it that the famous British designer Bruce Oldfield is not making Kate's royal garb. Supposedly some top secret female British designer is stitching and sewing the dress inside Buckingham Palace.
While people have been snickering that Carole and Kate's sis Pippa has been spotted at Odfield's shop on several occasions, remember mum needs to find a 'fit for the wedding, too. Are you really surprised she'd settle for anything less than Oldfield? Lucky dude, he's not even making Kate's dress and is still cashing in with all this publicity!
A stay-at-home honeymoon: Post wedding extravaganza the Prince and Princess will jet off to the Isles of Scilly, just off the southwestern tip of Great Britain.
Wills claims to have fond memories of the isles when he vacationed there with his parents Prince Charles and Princess Diana. How he always manages to bring his mother into it is beyond us, but the spot looks fab nonetheless.
Mama drama aside, you know we are still, and always will be, suckers for the super romantic nuisance of this fantastic wedding.
A la not so fairytale Kate will arrive by car to the wedding, which we think is totally romantic and commoner of her. William and Kate don't need a glass coach to prove their love. Didn't do Charles and Di any good, did it?
And, hey, at least they're not flying in on a helicopter Carole got one of her old bosses to give her a good deal on.