Bitch-Back! Dear Taylor Swift, What's the Deal?

Readers want to know the real deal between the country cutie and John Mayer

Dear Ted:
I don't know if you have heard this or not, but I hear that Taylor Swift's "Dear John" song is about her relationship with John Mayer. I had an idea that she sort of had a thing with him, but what sort of relationship did they have?
—AMJ

Dear Duh:
Obviously one that bugged her enough to thinly veil a song about the dude. You know he's lovin' the attention. Why didn't she really screw with Mayer (and everybody else) and call it "Dear Jane"?

Dear Ted:
I recently read an article that claimed Robsten are planning to have some sort of voodoo wedding ceremony while in Baton Rouge, La. It seemed to be a rather far-fetched idea, but is there any truth to this?
—Robsten Romantic

Dear Delusional:
Sounds totally realistic to me! I bet Nikki Reed will be the maid of honor, and maybe Joe Jonas can be a groomsman. I bet Stephenie Meyer will get ordained online so she can marry the two. Obviously, Taylor Lautner will be the ring boy. Can you think of anything more adorable? They're finally going to say I do!

Dear Ted:
Now that Britney Spears is being a good girl will she and Justin Timberlake ever reunite or at least be friends? And please tell me Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt still talk? I'm praying one day they'll get together again.
—Q

Dear Delusional, Part 2:
I really hope you're kidding, babe. There's no way in hell either of these troubled twosomes is getting back together. We'd be lucky if they were willing to speak to each other again. But why bother?

Dear Ted:
A huge fan of yours from Down Under. Trying to figure out Cass Stimulatia's identity is driving me crazy! Is she Rachael Ray?
—Megs

Dear Something Smells Fishy:
Nope! But not a bad guess. Not bad at all.

Dear Ted:
I insist you dish on three yummy boys who share a lot in common looks-wise. Zac Efron, Chace Crawford and Ian Somerhalder! These boys need to play brothers stat, no? All three are known B.V.ers, so I was wondering if their dirty deeds have any similarities, or are they each in their own respective classes of naughty? Much love to ya, even if you won't spill!
—Jen

Dear Pretty in Vices:
Sure, they share a lot more in common than just their oh-so-delish looks. Two of ‘em more than the third though. Can you guess which guy is the odd Vice out?

Dear Ted:
Your constant support of animal rescue convinced me to rescue my aussie/dane Kelso (as in Michael, not Bob) With the current outbreak of divorce in Hollywood, my thoughts went back to Strippa Rip-Ya. How is she doing? Kelso and I are concerned and hoping that someone rescued her!
—Kiki

Dear Rip-Ya a New One:
Publicly? Better than ever. Privately? Same old s--t. Wish there were more I could do for the gal. Kisses to Kelso, sounds like a lucky pup!

Dear Ted:
After hours of thinking, I figured out why people have a problem with your gay Vices. Reading the archives, most of your Vices are not only gay but have multiple partners, "enforcing" the notion that gays cannot have committed relationships. I honestly don't believe this (then again I'm gay...), but there is that stereotype that we just go around and hump anything we want. Well that's mostly for men, but for women like me, we are only "experimenting," such as the case for one of your Vices, but in most instances, we lezzies are actually seeking a relationship. Maybe if you found a Vice who was on the down low, but in a committed relationship with their same sex partner it wouldn't be as bad? I mean Ricky Martin and Neil Patrick Harris can only do so much.
—D0li

Dear Humping Ph. D:
Men are dogs, gay and straight. I really think that's the taint that's going on here, and not a sexual-orientation one, specifically. Sorry, really do think it's that simple.

Dear Ted:
Do you realize that you are jumping all over the place with the Judas Jack-Off B.V.? In a recent B.B. you suggested that he and Dashed don't have much acting experience, but in the first Judas B.V. you said he had a good pro resume. Which is it? I'm thinking you are trying to throw us off track, but if these two are really not actors can you just not Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki already?
—CH

Dear Jacking Off:
Not jumping around at all. Judas, certainly, is a star. He's been in some majorass stuff. That said, he hasn't really impressed me with his acting (and I'm not alone on that opinion). Does that answer your question?

Dear Ted:
What are your thoughts on the casting for the vampire covens in Breaking Dawn? I personally jumped for joy when I saw that Lee Pace was cast as the nomad vampire Garrett. I fell in love with him in Pushing Daisies (RIP), and I can't wait for him to get all sparkly vamped up!
—Kelly

Dear Vamping It Up:
Totally excited about Lee Pace! Think he'll bring a much needed adorableness to the cast. Maggie Grace and Mia Maestro too. Love both those beautiful babes from their days on the alphabet net.

Dear Ted:
Your Maribeth Bush has kept me thinking about actresses who are not so popular, but who have done great movies that the general public doesn't usually go see. If as you say, the hint is in the last name, do you mean Bush Country? As in Texas? Quite honestly, the only actress that comes to mind, rude enough to ask for money in an unprofessional manner, and who's latest role put her on the map for better offers, well...Mo'nique? Help us out here, Ted. Ms. Bush is too tough to figure out; we need more hints for our Blind Vice addiction!
—Rita

Dear Beating Around the Bush:
Way cold on that guess, R. Here's the deal: I think it's about time we out one of these nasty little divas, and Maribeth is the perfect gal. Keep an eye on Twitter for more deets.