Dear Ted:
After watching the VMAs over the weekend, I have to say LiLo looked like hell! Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's clean and sober now with a sense of humor, to boot, but the girl's definitely been rode hard and hung up wet. In your opinion, Ted, will she really be able to leave her "wild child" ways in the past?
—BubblegumSteph
Dear Lo Blow:
At least her hair looked kind of pretty? But hey, I've got to give the gal props for poking fun at herself; I definitely got a chuckle out her skit (though I thought Chelsea Handler was hilar hosting, so I was laughing the whole night). I honestly believe that La Lohan could get it all back if she wanted to, which, sadly, means putting in the effort on her part.
Dear Ted:
Who's most famous in order out of the three: Toothy Tile, Nelly Fang and Nevis Divine?
—Melia
Dear Fame Whore:
Toothy, I'd say, but probably not for that much longer. With Nev as a close second and Nelly's star rising by the day in third place.
Dear Ted:
Do you think any celebrity Scientologist will ever leave the church and write a tell-all book?
—An Enquiring Mind That Wants to Know
Dear No Talking In Church:
Chances are no. But that "church" produces some strange birds, who often fly to unpredictable places.
Dear Ted:
I do enjoy the Mi-Mi/Tobey drama. They remind me a bit of how fictional pair Chuck and Blair love to screw each other but love screwing each other over even more. Anyway what's happening with them? Will it be long before they are warming each other's beds again, and for just now, are they friends or foes?
—Susie
Dear XXXO:
You'll probably see Chuck and Blair getting onscreen cozy before Mi-Mi and her off-and-on dude, but hopefully they'll be back to rocking each other's trailers soon. Right now they're friendly, don't worry.
Dear Ted:
Is Christina Ricci trying to use Robert Pattinson as a way to get her more fame? It seems like in every interview she manages to drop his name. She even went so far as to talk about Kristen Stewart visiting the Bel Ami set when everyone else has remained tight-lipped. We all know that just saying Rob's name gets to plastered all over blogs, so is she just a fame whore using other people to try and gain notoriety?
—Amanda
Dear Adios Bel Amigo:
Or those are the questions everyone's asking. I'm sure she'd love to talk about herself, doll.
Dear Ted:
I know people have written in about Rihanna and Eminem and their chances of becoming a couple, but after watching the VMAs and their performance, they would make a perfect match. They had so much chemistry between them! What are their chances now of becoming a couple? I know she has a boyfriend but after watching their performance it didn't seem like it.
—Flo
Dear Hate the Way You Lie:
Which is exactly why it's called performing, babe. It's all professional chemistry between these two music hotties, but with both of their names, could you imagine their celeb couple nickname? Reminem? Emihanna? Love it!
Dear Ted:
What's Fey Oiled-Tush been up to lately? You said his jewels didn't impress some old dame in Hollywood, but what's he really like? Do you think if FOT ran into a bunch of fans or strangers he could charm the pants off of them, or is he a colder personality not unlike Cruella St. Shackles? Is he the type who like little boys like Jackie Bouffant, or do you think he's more interested in the manly man type like Topher Hairy-Tuchus?
—Shazam
Dear Feeling Fey:
Whew! So many questions, detective! In order: Trying to regain his glory, sweet, yes, no, used to, bingo.
Dear Ted:
Angelina Jolie has been singing a weepy tune about how she is lonely and has no friends except Brad Pitt, to the tune of, "He is really the only person I talk to!" She's sneaky and manipulates the media all the time, so I wondered if they're on the road to breaking up and she wants everyone to think she's the injured party. Your thoughts?
—Curious
Dear Endless Pitt:
For as curious as you are, you clearly didn't watch the interview that little sound bite was taken from 'cause there was nothing "weepy" about it. Ange laughed about it when asked a Q on CNN. You should give it a watch; she's so impressively well-spoken when it comes to discussing her humanitarian efforts.
Dear Ted:
I know movie reviews are subjective and can vary greatly. But some times, a really crappy movie gets released by a big studio with a big-name actor attached to it that most critics will still slam, but inevitably there will be one lone, but high-profile, critic that will give it a perfect score. Is there any gossip in T-town about movie critics being on the take by some of the bigger studios?
—JR
Dear I'm Bored Already:
Sorry, babe, but this one's the oldest story in the book: Besides gay leading women and men, that is. Yes, even whole blogs (not mine) are paid off for good reviews today!
Dear Ted:
What are the criteria for a person to be placed in the hallowed hall of Blind Vice Superstars? Specifically?
—Enya.
Dear Initiation:
Repeat offenders, mostly. Or really juicy Vices that Team Awful loves (ya know, like Kristen Stewart's).
Dear Ted:
Is it easier for Nickelodeon stars to make the transition into "adulthood" then it is for Disney stars? I mean look at Emma Roberts. Nobody even remembers that she was originally from Nick. Even Amanda Bynes had it easier than the likes of Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato. Is that just a personal thing, or do people take Nickelodeon stars more seriously?
—Ailish
Dear Nick at Never:
Consider how many more stars make it out of Camp Mickey Mouse to the Hollywood big leagues versus all those who get slimed with former-child-semi-star status at Nick and you'll see it's not a competition at all. Disney clearly dominates in creating stars, both as kids and then adults.
Dear Ted:
When I heard Taylor Swift sing her "Innocent" song at the VMAs, I thought it was about (32-year-old) John Mayer.
—Anne
Dear Not So Innocent:
What a barf-worthy interpretation, Anne!