Bitch-Back! Will Ryan Reynolds and ScarJo Last?

Readers wonder if the duo’s marriage is the real deal

Dear Ted:
I just adopted my second dog, Eddy, aka Edward, to go with Bella, who was in a puppy mill. My question is about Ryan and Scarlett. I get the feeling that these two won't last. It's just my intuition. What do you think?
—Mr. F

Dear Gut Feeling:
Scar and R.R. are indeed hot for each other and going strong, probably because they don't flaunt their marriage for the press to pick apart. So strange when a couple keeps their personal lives personal, huh? However, just for the record, A.T.'s Taryn Ryder and Marc Snetiker totally disagree with me on them actually lasting.

Dear Ted:
Regarding Nelly Fang, do you think it's possible that it was a case of mistaken identity? If Nelly is new to the Hollywood scene, is it possible that your source was actually with someone who just looked like him? Your source was, after all, turned around and facing the ground the whole time.
—Lauren

Dear Case Closed:
Sorry, babe, while a good (and naughty) question, our intimately knowledgeable source got some serious face time with the vamp Vicer—enough to make sure the dude was exactly who our lucky runner thought he was. And what makes you so certain it wasn't Nel who was dogass down on the grass?

Dear Ted:
Is Polly Luscious-Locks Emma Roberts? Am I close?
—Laura

Dear Diva Patrol:
Sorry, babe. Solid guess, but Polly has a few more low-budget flicks under her belt than Emma. Plus, with the company she keeps, Emma has other things to worry about than her paycheck.

Dear Ted:
Who do you think Nevis prefers more nowadays: his lady or his guy on the side? Do you think Barrington ever gets jealous of Nevy's girl? Does he want a more full-time thing? I hope this all ends happily, but I see some possible drama in the future.
—H

Dear Hard to Tell:
Could go either way for unpredictable Nev. As for BBM, I'm sure he's none too thrilled with the current sitch, but he knows the deal and isn't the jealous type. Don't worry about these folks though. Things won't blow up. They aren't your typical Hollywood stars that way.

Dear Ted:
What is up with Jasper's hair in Eclipse? It looks terrible. Can you give your sources a little hint to help poor Jackson Rathbone out?
—Hazel

Dear Hair Don't:
Maybe the Twilight flicks should win an Oscar. The makeup and hair department is doing an amazing job at making all these superhot stars look totally fug.

Dear Ted:
In a recent Bitch-Back you mentioned that you're giving Supernatural newlyweds Jared Padalecki and Genevieve Cortese a pass from your gossipy tongue-lashings. Is this because there's nothing to tell, or because there's something really juicy and you're being nice by keeping it hush-hush?
—Radha

Dear Unnatural:
Sweetie, it's just not my thing to gun for the ones who don't thrill me.

Dear Ted:
I don't get why everybody wants Breaking Dawn to be rated R. Look at Remember Me. It was a PG-13 movie and they had a sex scene that showed just the right amount. You can get the point across and not make it an R-rated movie.
—Sandy

Dear Enough:
Who cares what it's rated as long as we get some friggin' PDA!

Dear Ted:
So at least you have faith Britney and Justin could be friends in the future. I just don't want Niley to end up like them, not being seen together as friends or anything else ever again. Do you have any Niley news at all?
—Q

Dear Ex-Factor:
Don't worry, doll, Nick and Miley have a lot less drama in their relaysh than Brit-Brit and J.T. did. And I mean a lot less.

Dear Ted:
Yesterday the rumor hit that Paris Hilton is interested in Robert Pattinson. Then today he says that he wants to date. This is just mere coincidence, right? My rescued, 6-year-old German shepherd has told me not to worry—that Rob has much better taste than that!
—Krissie

Dear Barking Mad:
Your pooch is not only lucky, but wise.

Dear Ted:
Has James Franco ever been a B.V? He is at the top of my Last Real Man in Hollywood list, and I am beyond excited to see him as David in the upcoming Eat, Pray, Love with Julia Roberts. I just lost Cai, my best friend and adopted cat of five years to heart failure last weekend, so even if you can't answer my question, please send some love to him in kitty heaven.
—Lonely Mommy

Dear Duh:
All the hottest guys in H'wood have their naughty secrets. Franco included. Haven't you figured that out yet? I'm so sorry about Cai, hon. Please accept my sympathies. Margo's and Charlie's, too.

Dear Ted:
I joined thousands to watch Bon Jovi put on a great show in the new Giant Stadium. Unfortunately the stadium would not let my beloved shelter dog join me. How unfair is that? He loves the music! But he wants to know whether any of the band members have been B.V.s.
—Rocking in N.J.

Dear Licks Rockers:
Uh, no.

Dear Ted:
You never told us Daniel Radcliffe was that short. I have a theory that Ryan Kwanten has to be remarkably intelligent to play dumb that well. Agree?
—Jas

Dear Playing Dumb:
The dude definitely isn't stupid, that's for sure. He's pretty charming too, even with his shirt on. And don't write off Radcliffe. I think he's supersexy, for all the atypical reasons (which are often the best).

Dear Ted:
Catherine Zeta-Jones marriage to Michael Douglas doesn't seem genuine to me. Am I right?
—Claudia

Dear Hello:
Yes, the fact that it's still around is the most disingenuous thing about it! Trust, the lawyers for both sides never thought that would happen. I think Mike and Cathy ultimately discovered they're the same person and decided to make it work longer.

Dear Ted:
Do you believe Christina Aguilera's claims that she's bi to be true, or is this the new socially acceptable label for women who desperately want to stay in the spotlight? If it is just a passing trend, do you think it will discourage other celeb from peering out of their closets?
—Irish

Dear Bi the By:
With this new so sexual Xtina, I'm more inclined to think that, while she may like other gals, she just wants to declare this now when it gets some press. I mean, why not say this earlier? Shame too. I like Christina when she's not trying so hard.

Dear Ted:
What do you mean by "Taylor Lautner's no saint." Do you have dirt on him, and if so, can you inform us of what it may be.
—Purple

Dear Vicetastic:
Oh, do I have dirt. I'm getting naughty thoughts in the office just thinking about it.