Sounds like Rita Cosby's off Howard K. Stern's Christmas card list.
Anna Nicole Smith's longtime right-hand man is steaming over the former MSNBC anchor's new book that claims he had a sexual liaison with Smith's ex-boyfriend and paternity sparring partner, Larry Birkhead.
"It's ridiculous. I mean, it's absolutely absurd," Stern told Entertainment Tonight at the weekend birthday bash in Louisville, Kentucky, for Smith and Birkhead's one-year-old daughter, Dannielynn.
Cosby's book, Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death, put forth a series of made-for-tabloids allegations, including that Birkhead and Stern cut a secret deal that was "financially advantageous" for both parties in which the Kentucky-born photographer got custody of the child in return for Stern serving as executor of the late Playmate's estate.
Cosby's most explosive claim was that Stern and Birkhead were actually secret gay lovers who were caught by eyewitnesses in a "compromising position"—shirtless and their pants literally down around their ankles in a Los Angeles home—or, as one of the Cosby's "sources" described it: "Their bodies were intermingled." Cosby also asserted that a videotape existed showing the purported guy-on-guy action.
Stern, however, scoffed at the notion, saying no such footage existed. He accused Cosby of hatching the salacious story using "false information" in an attempt to cash in on the media circus surrounding the paternity tiff and Smith's subsequent death in February from an accidental drug overdose.
"Most of these witnesses, or, you can't even call them witnesses, but sources to Rita Cosby's book, they were doing media after media interview after Anna passed away, and they took every shot at me that their imaginations could possibly dream up," Stern told ET in an interview set to air Thursday night. "And all of a sudden, the same people are coming back and they're saying, 'Oh by the way, I forgot....Howard and Larry are gay, and there's a video of them together.' "
The 38-year-old lawyer continued to vent: "That woman Rita Cosby is either the dumbest person on earth or she knows that she's printing false information. And I don't think she's the dumbest person on earth."
Stern—whose name was listed on Dannielynn's birth certificate after she was born and who claimed to be her father until DNA tests proved otherwise—also expressed concern that Cosby's insinuations could potentially damage Smith's daughter once she's old enough to fully understand them.
"Dannielynn is going to read this garbage, and it's almost like she's going to have to get counseling from the age of three," he said.
For his part, Birkhead has also come out swinging, calling her alleged scoop "character assassination for profit" and denying the encounter happened. He also has threatened to sue Cosby and her publisher, Hatchette Book Group's Grand Central Publishing, for defamation.
Stern's attorney, Lin Wood, said his client planned similar action, labeling Cosby's claims a "disgusting new low for which she will be held legally accountable."
So far, neither has filed a legal complaint.
Meanwhile, Stern has also taken issue with Smith's estranged mother, Virgie Arthur, who claimed that while Stern and Birkhead were out celebrating at Dannielynn's party, she was the sole person to remember the first anniversary of the passing of her grandson, Daniel Smith.
The teen died amid mysterious circumstances in his mother's hospital room three days after she gave birth to Dannielynn. An nquest looking into his death—which was initially ruled an accidental overdose from a fatal combination of antidepressants—has been repeatedly delayed.
Stern says that Arthur's visit to Anna Nicole and Daniel's graves in the Bahamas was purely a publicity stunt and that, contrary to Arthur's remarks, he did pay his respects.
"I visited Anna and Daniel twice [Monday] under the cover of darkness, because I did not want the media to capture my private moments with loved ones," he said in a statement to tmz.com. "In the early morning, I brought two baskets of flowers from Dannielynn, myself and others. When I visited again late at night, I found plastic flowers drilled into the ground next to our flowers.
"Unfortunately, I have learned to anticipate this type of exploitative expression of alleged love and took the necessary precautions."
Stern, meanwhile, has to contend with another broadside, this one launched by Mark "Hollywood" Hatten, a former beau of Anna Nicole Smith's, who is currently serving out a sentence for stalking the late model.
Last week, Hatten sued Stern and and other lawyers for $100 million. Hatten says the defendants violated his civil rights, causing irreparable emotional and physical harm in connection with his stalking trial, and also accused Stern of trying to kill him with a "toxic blend" of antidepressants.
Stern has denied the allegations.
As it happens, the litigious jailbird is the brother of Jackie Hatten, who is reportedly the source for Cosby's allegations of unsavory relations between Stern and Birkhead.