YOU BASTARDS! South Park celebrates its 100th episode on Comedy Central Wednesday night.
HELL NO, HE WON'T GO: Michael Jackson canceling an Austrian concert and charity appearance on Sunday due to war-related security concerns.
ON SECOND THOUGHT: The Los Angeles County Coroner announcing on Wednesday that the mother of radio's Dr. Laura Schlessinger died of natural causes, not murder as originally suspected. Yolanda Schlessinger's body was found in her Beverly Hills home in December.
MAKE SOME NOISE: Linkin Park maintaining its hold on the chart's top spot with Meteora, though sales have slipped since its launch. All told the album's two-week tally is well over 1 million copies.
NOT TAKING THE BAIT: Vince Gill thinks the Dixie Chicks have suffered enough for their Bush-bashing. "To say that we as an industry have to feel one way (about the war), that's pretty ridiculous," the rocker said while attending the CMT Flameworthy Awards. "There are political leaders that have said a lot worse things about George Bush than Natalie did."
ON THE ROAD: Beck announcing a U.S. summer concert tour starting May 28 in Alexandria, Virginia. The pop rock alt singer and his opening acts, Dashboard Confessional and the Black Keys, will also play at the Field Day Festival in Calverton, New York this June. Other rumored acts include Radiohead and the Beastie Boys.
BACK FOR MORE: Malcolm in the Middle has been picked up by Fox for a fifth season.
TUBE TIDBIT: Fox also giving an early pick-up order to two dramas for next season: a woman who communicates with toys in Wonder Falls (let's hope for the best) and the youth-skewed beach property The O.C. (stands for Orange County, California).
ANOTHER NOTCH: Media mogul Rupert Murdoch to acquire Hughes Electronics and its DirecTV unit, the nation's largest satellite TV provider, in a deal valued at $6.6 billion. For years Murdoch has been hankering to add the service to his News Corp. empire, which includes Fox.
STORK WATCH: Kathy Ireland giving birth to a baby girl named Chloe, her rep confirms. That's the third child for the model turned apparel entrepreneur and her hubby, Dr. Greg Olsen.
POWER PLAYERS Steven Spielberg tops Premiere magazine's annual power list. At number 13 Tom Hanks is the most powerful actor, while Julia Roberts is the most powerful actress at number 18.
CAUSE CLBRE: Kim Catrall, Willie Nelson and Michael J. Fox among those expected to hoof the two-mile Unity Walk on April 26 in Central Park to raise money for Parkinson's disease. Meanwhile, Rene Zellweger, Diane Sawyer and Jennifer Connelly to host the Revlon Run/Walk for Women on May 3, also in the Big Apple.
SILENT ENDING: The Cannes Film Festival, which kicks off May 14, will close with a May 25 screening of Charlie Chaplin's last silent movie, 1936's Modern Times.
HOSPITALIZED: Rodney Dangerfield undergoing a brain operation Tuesday to improve his body's blood flow in preparation for upcoming heart-valve-replacement surgery, his publicist confirmed. Doctors will examine the comic later today to determine whether the operation was successful.
LUCKY STAR: Madonna planning to debut songs from her upcoming new album, American Life, in a live MTV performance. Madonna on Stage & on the Record will air from the network's Times Square studio on April 22 at 10 p.m. The album hits stores on the same day.
PINK SLIP: Rocker turned stage thesp Sebastian Bach fired from lead role in touring prodution of Jesus Christ Superstar because of missed dates and diva-like behavior.
FACE THE MUSIC: Eminem is due in a Michigan court on May 30 to defend himself against a $1 million defamation suit filed by DeAngelo Bailey, depicted as a bully in the song "Brain Damage." Settlement talks have broken off.
BAD LUCK: The rising AOL Time Warner Center in midtown Manhattan catching fire on Tuesday, injuring 12 firefighters and a security guard. The blaze is the building's latest setback: Two people have already died during construction.
SPEAKING OUT: Jane Fonda expressing concerns that the U.S.-led war effort in Iraq will turn the world against Americans during a lecture Tuesday in Vancouver, Canada.
HE SAID, SHE SAID: Matthew McConaughey to star in and produce the romantic comedy Dear Delilah, about a man posing as a female advice columnist. Hilarity undoubtedly ensues.
NO REST: The very preggers Catherine Zeta-Jones inking a deal to star in and produce her next project Getting and Spending about a woman accused of insider trading who tries to persuade a reclusive legal eagle to defend her.
KEYSTONE COPS: Carmen Electra in negotiations to join remake of Starsky and Hutch, starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, as Hutch's (Wilson) girlfriend, according to the Hollywood Reporter.