Donny Dips Into the Dark Side on Dancing With the Stars

Lucky 13 couples rumba and samba and the judges can't agree

Ah, the rumba. On Dancing With the Stars, it usually either rivets or revolts, and tonight was no exception.

The remaining 13 celebs tackled either sambas or rumbas Monday, so the sequins were flying and the hips shimmying with abandon as all strode to top last week's scores.

Some of them succeeded in that department, while others failed miserably. And still others opted to romance the judges instead. (We're looking at you, Osmond.)

Here's our take on tonight's peaks and valleys:

Mark Dacascos & Lacey Schwimmer: Slo-mo is a good tempo for the Iron Chef chairman, who has grace to spare. This opening rumba was more interesting than most—largely thanks to Lacey's splitstastic choreography—but Mark may as well have had Bobby Flay sautéing a bass in front of him for all the sensuality he brought to the routine. Carrie Ann Inaba, for one, found it "kind of uncomfortable to watch," while all the judges agreed that the duo lacked chemistry.
Score: 18

Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough: For a samba it was a tad chilly. Joanna's supple hips know no bounds but...We're going to have to call foul again on the music. Too slow to prevent the routine from picking up the necessary heat! But the judges, who can't fight city hall, liked it for the most part, minus a few missteps. "That had quality stamped all over it," remarked Len Goodman, while Carrie Ann thought it "super sexy."
Score: 23

Mya & Dmitry Chaplin: As if Mya was going to have trouble getting sexy enough for the rumba. From her outfit to her smokin' chemistry with Dmitry, we thought this was one of the best rumbas in DWTS history. For the first time, Carrie Ann was too mesmerized to tell whether there was an itty-bitty lift in there, and Bruno Tonioli, apparently mistaking Mya for Lady Marmalade, said, "You put all of us in the mood for love—no price is too high for you." "Be still my beating heart," a seemingly charmed Len raved, though he revived in time to rain on the 10 parade with a stingy 7 because there was "so much going on" at times.
Score: 27

Debi Mazar & Maksim Chmerkovskiy: From the Muppet pelts hanging from her skirt to the annoying hairdo, Debi's samba was very cougar-on-a-cruise-ship. We love Maks and we like her, but the performance wasn't endearing enough to guarantee that she hoists herself out of the bottom two this week. Carrie Ann expected more from "such a fiery chick" and Len compared it to cooking: "You had all the ingredients, but it lacked the flavor."
Score: 17

Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson: Donny may be 51, but that eternal-youth look he's got going for him allowed him to get close to Kym without seeming creepy and his rumba ended up rivaling Mya's in terms of fluidity and enjoyment factor. Bruno didn't truly enjoy it, however, until he had entreated Donny to "turn to the dark side," and the star obliged by sweeping the outspoken Italian into his arms for a smooch. "I don't think they're going to let me back in Utah anymore!" Donny exclaimed.
Score: 21. "Only a 7 from Bruno, you should have given him tongue," Samantha Harris suggested backstage, putting the final nail in tonight's coffin of inappropriateness. For good measure, audience member Paula Abdul then suggested that she and Carrie Ann make out.

Michael Irvin & Anna Demidova: The football star is just very fun to watch. He definitely didn't do all of those samba steps correctly, nor do his hips wiggle much, but he manages to look as if he's having the time of his life out there—and that's pretty endearing for a guy who won three Super Bowls. The judges were in agreement, though—technically, a complete disappointment.
Score: 14

Natalie Coughlin & Alec Mazo: Leave it to the Olympian to go and bring sexy back! Looking amazing in a strategically draped white dress, Natalie tapped into her inner Grecian goddess and pulled out a gold medal-worthy performance. Must've helped that Alec's wife, Edyta Sliwinska (queen of the strategic draping), had given the swimmer permission "to go all out" with her hubby. "I knew you could fly, but you've gone stratospheric tonight!" Bruno exclaimed.
Score: 26

Chuck Liddell & Anna Trebunskaya: Talk about your ultimate fighting sleeves. Their samba was pretty frantic, but like Michael Irvin, Chuck has likeability that supersedes his dancing inability. Again, when these big guys go out there and look as if they're having a blast, they're too charming to criticize. (Of course, it's a good thing we're not in charge of judging—we'd never get anything done.) "A samba from zombie town—but Zombie Town is a hit!" Bruno, turning topical for a moment, said.
Score: 17

Aaron Carter & Karina Smirnoff: We were a little thrown by the baby-blue kimono-wrap shirt—and perhaps Aaron was, too. Last week's breakout star was this week's psyched-out, herky-jerky man. He seemed genuinely connected to Karina, but he stumbled more than once, losing his balance here, missing a hold there. Bruno thought it lacked fluidity, Carrie Ann said he was "overexaggerating" his movements and Len simply thought he was flinging his arms about.
Score: 21

Tom DeLay & Cheryl Burke: Dancing with stress fractures in each feet, DeLay wondered, "What's a little pain when you can party?" and went through with the samba against the advice of both his doctor and the show's producers. The end result was better than what you might expect, but things aren't likely to improve (though, as of now, he's coming back for more next week). "I think you're a hero—if I had a stress fracture in both feet, I wouldn't be judging, let alone dancing," marveled Len.
Score: 15

Kelly Osbourne & Louis van Amstel: All eyes were on Kelly to see if she'd rebound from last week's traumatic tango. She definitely did, making it all the way through tonight and even tacking on a little makeout sesh with Louis at the end. They weren't exuding heat because Kelly was probably terrified of making a mistake again, but the choreography was great and she pulled off several high-level moves with ease. "Stay focused. Don't doubt yourself," Carrie Ann reminded her.
Score: 20

So what do you think? Is DeLay just puttin' on a show until he's able to bust out with a country two-step next week, one of four new styles premiering on the show? The celebs will be performing either that, a bolero, the Charleston or—we kid you not—the lambada.

But only 12 will be rockin' the new styles, of course, after one more star is eliminated tomorrow night.

Here's how the leaderboard stacks up:

Mya & Dmitry: 27
Natalie & Alec: 26
Joanna & Derek: 23
Aaron & Karina: 21
Donny & Kym: 21
Kelly & Louis: 20
Louie & Chelsie: 20
Melissa & Mark: 19
Mark & Lacey: 18
Chuck & Anna T.: 17
Debi & Maks: 17
Tom & Cheryl: 15
Michael & Anna D.: 14