FAME PICTURESDear Ted:
No question, just a comment on your Bitch-Back! You have your reasons for not liking Jen Garner. I do, too. A close friend of mine was friends with Ben Affleck long before Bennifer and Jen Garner. His mother and hers worked together. Anyway, when Jen Garner came into the picture, my friend went up to her to introduce herself. Jen was nothing but rude to her...pretty much like, "Who are you, and why are you talking to me?"
–Uncgenie
Dear Spot-On, Guv'na!
It's always nice to know your opinion is validated. Deep down, Jen is nothing like her onscreen persona, despite her cute-overload appearance and that sweet, toothy grin (no, readers, not a Toothy Tile hint, get back in your damn cages).
Dear Ted:
Stop pussyfooting around. Do Shafterella Shoshstein and Toothy Tile know each other well?
– Patricia
Dear No Pussyfooting Here:
Well, since they've worked on a movie together, I would hope they know each other well. Unless they're more like Seymour Slim-Bum and Darlene Deviant and totally hate each other, but no, that can't be right. In fact, I'm sure of it.
Dear Ted:
While hunting for info about our Twilight gang at Comic-Con, I found a neat little video of Nikki, Kellan and Rachelle at E.W. What I found interesting was when Kellan let it slip that Nikki was in Greece for the last three months, she gave him the evil look and made the shhh. Why would this be a big secret? Everyone already knows she was there. I'm lost on this one. What's your take?
– Jen
Dear Grouchy in Greece:
Maybe this is Nik's attempt at playing coy for the camera. Except, darling Nikki, nobody cares about a relaysh that's not going to last longer than, I don't know, the length of Comic-Con?
Dear Ted:
Why must you assume that because Camilla Belle and Joe Jonas split that she's going to be hitting on R.Pattz when there are tons of other single men out there for her to choose from? I always thought dating a Jonas brother was for PR for the both of them. Rob could have had her, but he wanted Kristen and has said so since they first met. I thought Robsten was doing fine with the exception of Summit ruling their lives. Even Kristen can't wait to get pregnant!
—Arabella
Dear Fish in the Sea:
So are you telling me that if you could go after Rob Pattinson, you wouldn't? Priorities, love.
Dear Ted:
Is Alexander Skarsgård Nevis Divine?
—Pfuente
Dear Divampire:
Nope. Too Swedish. And not nearly mysterious enough.
Dear Ted:
I am so disappointed in your reporting today. I'm usually a huge fan but you've really dropped the ball with this fan fiction story. Get your facts right before you publish, especially something this scathing. I know several women who were on the panel. Listen to americnxidiot and lolashoes to start—they were both on the panel for crying out loud. Misinformation like this is hurting a lot of people who don't deserve any of it. The women on that panel are all lovely people who care a lot about these characters and produce some very high-quality writing. Don't judge what you don't understand. At least make an attempt to research properly...The video footage of the panel is available should you care to do so. Rape/abuse is a huge controversy in the Twi-fic community right now, and the group hosting the panel has very strict policies in place for such situations. The community is made up almost entirely of women, supporting each other...not rape, assault or abuse.
—Katie
Dear Serious Matter:
I updated as soon as I was made aware it was an audience member, not a panelist, who made light of sexual assault. Thanks for your concern, as it's one I obviously share. My sincere apologies to the panel itself for any harm done.
Dear Ted:
Thanks for reporting the awful truth, at least there is someone you can trust. In regard to Robsten, keep it coming! What's this about Rob in the airport with Kristen's backpack and bracelet? Please do tell, I need to know
—Caledon, Ontario, Canada
Dear Accessories, Accessories:
Isn't that what they say always makes an outfit? Especially in love?
Dear Ted:
What do you make of Michael Vick getting a second chance in the NFL? Do you think people will ever come around to him again? I think he should do what nonceleb, athletes would have to do and get a job at the 7-Eleven. Please keep talking about the no-kill shelters! People need to be aware. You brighten my day!
—Julie in S.F.
Dear Um...:
Darling, I almost stopped reading your letter after the letters NFL. Know your audience! (But I did finish, and much love you for your no-kill shout-out.) FYI: Vick should eat dog poop daily for the rest of his life, as far as I'm concerned, that much I do know.
Dear Ted:
Has any of the True Blood cast been one of your Blind Vices? If no, are there any potential B.V.'s amongst them?
—Amanda F., NYC
Dear Potentially Scandalous:
Tons of potential, none yet.
Dear Ted:
Finally saw Twilight (I know), and I now completely understand the hype; Robsten have palpable chemistry, no question. Why would Summit hold back Robsten for Lautstew? Is it because they think it will make them more money to advertise the obvious plot? Or are they doing it to screw with everyone and make Robsten more of the "forbidden fruit" for us all? Is Robsten ready to come out with their under-the-radar romance? My condolences for the loss of your kitty.
—Kackovic
Dear Lautstew?
What a terrible name! The word on Obvious Street is that they're pushing for the off-camera imagery of Taylor and Kris together so that the hype will sell itself (think Brad and Angelina in Mr. and Mrs. Smith without the actual hooking up). But of course, the anti-Robsten sentiment is plenty apparent as well. Two birds with one bitch-slapping stone.
Dear Ted:
Did you read OK! magazine's interview with Rob Pattinson (U.K. edition) where he denies dating Kristen? I guess that's quite a confirmation, or lack thereof—quite a halt to all the hope!
—Disappointed
Dear Garbage Day:
I don't read trash, sorry.
Dear Ted:
You're the only person I trust for the real scoop on Robsten. Anyone with eyes can see that there is something going on between them. Recently, many pictures have shown Robsten wearing each other's clothing and more recently, hats and bracelets. Do you think this is a way for them to share their bond without coming out as a couple publicly?
—Dloakley
Dear Whatever Works, Works!
If that's the way they get their rocks off without a public announcement, then let 'em be!
Dear Ted:
Does Nevis Divine have a movie coming out in August?
—Melanie
Dear Summer Hope:
Perhaps. He's a very busy boy.
Dear Ted:
Is anything behind the latest celeb breakups? I mean, Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian were planning on marriage eventually? And how do you feel about the Camilla Belle-Joe Jonas breakup?
—Banana
Dear Sad, It's Not:
Shocker! Celebs share some traits with everyday folks! They break up all the time! But snark aside, I am sad whenever a Jonas dude is sad. I'm fond of them; you should be, too.
Dear Ted:
Sorry about Butch. Love that you're a voice for animal shelter adoption. I have two rescue dogs. I never realized how much I could love them, and I'm sure that it is the same way with you and your pets. I read your column every day and check it a billion times for anything new. I started with Twilight, but now I am addicted to True Blood. Anything good on the Anna Paquin-Stephen Moyer relationship or the show? True Blood is awesome!
—Hbuschnuts
Dear Bon Temps Temptation:
Thanks for the rescue-dog love. As far as the vamps over on True Blood go, totally dig Anna and Stephen. They supposedly keep it very professional on-set. They'll do a huge argument scene and then go off and do their own business, with no kissing and making up afterwards. Strictly professional, but very personal when they're in their own private space...much like Robsten!
Dear Ted:
I agree with Isabel—Pattison is no heartthrob. When they cast him in the movie and I first saw him, I knew I would never watch the movies, but I do enjoy the books. Love your column, read it every morning. What are some of the older celebs (30s and 40s) doing? Haven't heard anything lately.
—Martha
Dear Elderly Juice:
You're going to have to narrow down that group, babe. "Older celebs in their 30s and 40s" is quite a large part of the population. And I'm ignoring your first statement. Consider yourself lucky.
Dear Ted:
I am so glad you blasted Paris and Nicole for trotting around with designer dogs and advocating shelters. I rescued a dog that was dumped out here in the country where I live. She is now happy, healthy and well loved. Good for you!
—Bhosieward
Dear Doggy Bliss:
And good for you, too!
Dear Ted:
I believe that I have finally figured out a B.V.! Toothy Tile is Vin Diesel, as the one clue that you provided was that he has a child. Please tell us!
—Your faithful lesbian reader
Dear InVincible:
No chance! And Toothy is slightly ashamed that you would compare him to such an obnoxious muscleman. Actually, that's a lie.