Albert L. Ortega / Getty Images Dear Ted:
Most of the Emmy predictions had David Duchovny as a shoo-in. Do you think he got snubbed because of what's happened to him personally this year? I guess all the "happy family" photo opportunities haven't been good enough to turn his reputation around.
—Debralynn
Dear Emmy Hate:
Probably not, but I don't care either way. The Emmy noms are always unfair; there were far more interesting people and politics behind all of this year's snubs than David freakin' Duchovny.
Dear Ted:
Do you think that after all the Twilight movies Robert Pattinson will be able to do anything else? Part of me says yes he will because he's such a talented actor, but the other part says that people will only see him as Edward Cullen. What do you think? I mean, how does he become this generation's Brad Pitt?
—All Smiles
Dear Future Rob:
Yes, he will certainly be able to do other work. Even if he weren't talented, suits know how much publicity he'll give to a film. Think less Brad Pitt, more Johnny Depp, though.
Dear Ted:
Bravo my friend, bravo. Well done, well said, good job and all that comes with. Your "Is Cheap Robert Pattinson" post was true genius. Too bad so many of your posters got stuck on the "tipping" part of it. They didn't see the real meat of the 3P theory, did they? Rob is a good guy all around. You don't have to know him personally to see that. It shows, very obviously, in the way he conducts himself. I am very glad that Kristen Stewart has him. They are both very, very fortunate to have a love that many search for and never find.
—Jennifer
Dear Pattz Preacher:
Amen, darling. And maybe after this week's big Comic-Con meeting, Kristen's fan woes will finally vanish for good.
Dear Ted:
My birthday is this week. For my present, can you please reveal a Blind Vice? I'm not picky, any one will do. Love you and your column!
—Valerie
Dear Birthday Blind:
Happy birthday, my dear. I'm seriously considering your request, even though I pretty much gave one away last week...
Dear Ted:
In your July 9 Truth Lies & Ted, you called Tyra Banks a slut and a skank—it makes you in a bad mood which is perfectly acceptable, no matter what your status is in life. I always wonder why people don't see celebrities as real people with real feelings. Why? Pushing past adoring fans does not make you a skank. Being promiscuous, tacky and ugly does, and Tyra does not show any symptoms of being any of those. If anything, Tyra has turned into a self-obsessed goofball, but that really depends on who's hating on her. Do you know something I don't? Please elaborate, and BTW, I just love you. You're incredibly handsome, and it's a shame you're same-sex-oriented.
—Lynnette
Dear Word Choice:
Yes, she has said many heinous things—off camera. Benevolent, she's not. Maybe I should have said "self-centered, arrogant, prissy bitchass diva d-bag" instead? But thanks for the kudos, doll, appreciate it!
Dear Ted:
I love watching the reruns of Cybill on Lifetime. Cybill Shepherd and Christine Baranski were fantastic together. Was there any truth to the backstage bitch blasts between them?
—CJC
Dear Flashback!:
Yes. And Baranski was hardly the only one.
Dear Ted:
Where are you? Good scoop on the R.Pattz tip, but Perez Hilton just posted a New Moon "new" still. Please tell me you are holding back because you have even better pictures and scoop.
—B Scott
Dear Bitch, Please:
The still's been passed around everywhere babe—it's no exclusive Perez pic. I don't want to jump on every New Moon post just because it's there. I saw no heat in the Taylor Lautner-Kristen gaze anyway, did you?
Dear Ted:
Do you think Joanne Kelly's lips are real? Just saw Warehouse 13 for the first time, and they look so fake to me. When women have their lips pumped up like that it comes across distorted on the screen, or at least it looks like it to me. Whaddya think?
—Clipp
Dear Plumped-Up:
My initial reaction is, who the hell cares about Joanne Kelly? But upon consideration, I would say that she's got a naturally plump pout, but she sure as hell ain't no Angelina.
Dear Ted:
You have finally lost a reader, Ted. I am sick of you saying there is jealousy with Kristen! Why does everyone think that not liking a celebrity equals jealousy? Are you jealous of Jennifer Garner? You don't like her! Kristen is rude in interviews and completely obnoxious! (Since when does being rude and not answering interviewers' questions equal cute?) She makes fun of her fans (backtracks later) and doesn't seem to be grateful for anything! If she is so uncomfortable, get out of Hollywood! I'm sick of her poor-pitiful-me routine. Rob has lost all appeal being with her. Period! What's sad is that you and the rest of your legion of worshippers will defend her again, while she laughs at you all the way to the bank!
—Stolie
Dear What's Hate Got to Do With It:
I think you're jealous of Kristen (at least as much as you need to tone down the exclamation points, sheesh, and I thought I overused those babies).
Dear Ted:
Why must you tease your readers about Robsten? I don't see how Rob not paying a 10 percent tip relates to him taking the heat off of Kristen? "Comic-Con will be quite telling of what's to come." Was he out with another girl on this dinner date, is this why Kristen would have the need to "repay him?" I think surely if these two are an item as you have led us to believe, her love would be enough of a payment. You are a very frustrating man, Ted. Handsome, but frustrating! If they are having "issues," Kristen just might not go due to Runaways or conflict with scheduling.
—Arabella
Dear Don't You See?
All I'm saying is that Rob might be being unintentionally "bad" to take some of the unfair judgment over Kristen's sometimes unsavory ways. Don't read too much into it, babes, it's just a fun little thought, no?
Dear Ted:
Love reading the Blind Vices! You're my fave. Trying to figure out who they all are. Are the people on the boards close with their guesses? Has Vin Diesel ever been a B.V.?
—Nikki-cole
Dear Vin Vice:
People are pretty spot-on—most of the time. Nevis Divine being an exception; he's confusing everyone. Himself included. And Vin, yeah, with those muscles, of course.
Dear Ted:
Thank you so much for all of your Robsten info. I love it; it gives me something to look forward to since they are keeping New Moon stuff so quiet. I was wondering, is MTV going to do any New Moon Mondays (or whatever) like it did last year with Twilight Tuesdays? It seems it isn't pumping it up or out like last year. I used to get up on Tuesday so excited. It gave me something to look forward to! Keep up the good work on the Robsten info!
—S.R.
Dear Daily Dose of Dirt:
I hope so! But I'm more concerned about what they'll call the Eclipse days, since the alliteration just won't fly.
Dear Ted:
I just had to send my congratulations on your new family member! Charlie is so adorable, and Margo is as cute as ever! (My deepest condolences about Butch.) I also wanted to thank you for advocating pet adoption. The number of unwanted, euthanized pets in this country is staggering. I wish more people would put vanity aside and open their homes to a truly needy pet. And for those people who are attracted to a particular breed, there are rescue groups for every breed located all across the country, and they are easily found with a quick Internet search. Maybe you could do a story highlighting those celebs who have rescued dogs? I wish your family all the best.
—Alina
Dear Must Love Dogs:
Appreciate the support, hon. There'll be plenty more that I have to say on the topic of shelter support and euthanasia, trust. It's a topic hot on my mind.
Dear Ted:
Are you sure Nevis Divine never worked with Reese Witherspoon? R.Pattz was in a deleted scene with Reese in the movie Vanity Fair.
—Soft Ball Fan
Dear Sneaky Sneaky:
Do you really think I'm that dumb? Just for that, I'm not even going to answer you with a hint. Smooth.
Dear Ted:
What's Crescent Kumquat been up to these days? Any new projects coming up for him? Also, If I guessed correctly who it is, would you let me know or just not reply?
—Cutiepie32
Dear Cres-Impressed:
Depends if glamorous C.K. pisses me off or not. Outing him would only be fun if the bitch did something interesting to deserve it. He's just basking in his prettiness right now, but he has some projects up his sleeve.
Dear Ted:
What's up with the Mischa Barton news? Is this for real or conveniently timed for her new show?
—Makayla
Dear Tabloid Mess:
Surprisingly, it's both.
Dear Ted:
All the rags are talking about Rob hooking up with Emilie de Ravin, but suppose Kristen decides she would rather be with Joan Jett?
—Mystical Mama
Dear Wow:
Well, then that would certainly qualify as one of the more shocking bits of dirt on my desk, now wouldn't it?
Dear Ted:
I'm relatively new to your column, so I didn't know about your commitment to shelter animals until today. Your dogs are precious, and I'm so sorry for the loss of Butch. Thank you so much for spreading the word about wretched puppy mills, for slamming those who can't differentiate between companion animals and designer handbags and for adopting your own babies from shelters! Those of us involved with animal rescue commend you. Keep up the good work. PS: Thanks also for the Robsten info, although I can't tell you how ashamed I am of myself...addicted? Yep.
—J. White
Dear It's a Blolumn, Darling:
Anytime, doll. More to come on both, swear.
Dear Ted:
Tony Romo. Keep on this guy. It's apparent, and women are starting to come out of the woodwork. This was an easy out for Tony. He's been messing around for sometime. You may not believe all the tweets, but when women start giving their names and pics, he has been playing Jessica for his own notoriety and publicity. This guy is turning into a complete ass. Tony in Star just may have been the truth in her home and that is sad. Never in a million years would I expect this from Tony. Ever.
—Twittering Fool
Dear Is This What I Sound Like?
After deciphering your message, I say...I agree...I think?
Dear Ted:
I took my final steps today to remove Perez from my gossip lifeline. Ted, you are now on my Firefox toolbar. I have registered with E! for your updates, and I viewed my first Truth, Lies & Ted. Mr. Casablanca, you are a dream! So cheeky, so sly and so droll. I love it! And Charlie, what a lovable little cutie! Can't wait to see more camera time with him. Thanks, Ted, just loving you and your work!
—Irish_blue
Dear Lovin' Charlie:
He's just the best, isn't he? Thanks all around, Irish love.
Dear Ted:
Did you know at once Charlie was the one or did you hunt around? And how's he doing with your other dog?
—Cathy
Dear Sheltered:
Margo's slowing come to love her new sister. It was rough at first, but now they're pretty devoted. They're like people—they just need time. And I chose the South L.A. city animal shelter to look for Charlie because I'm told they have a much higher rate of euthanizing animals than other city pounds. It was just heartbreaking being there, but finding Charlie was a huge blessing.
Dear Ted:
I am hoping the Robsten reunion at Comic-Con is as cute and cuddly as your new puppy. Any chance the big surprise could involve a direct or subtle Robsten outing? I know you think it won't happen until after Breaking Dawn or they are caught off guard, but I am hoping sooner. Wouldn't it take some of the intense pap scrutiny off?
—Robsten Romantic
Dear Comic-Con Forecaster:
Sure, there's a chance. Don't know how big it is, but that's where the excitement is coming from!
Dear Ted:
Enough already! No such song was written by Michael Jackson! Quincy Jones wrote the song "She's Out of My Life" originally for Frank Sinatra. Gave to M.J. on a whim—not for Tatum O'Neal!
—Dnrgrzy
Dear Music Maverick:
Calm down, puss. Being all hotheaded and angry isn't going to solve anything.
Dear Ted:
You are da man! I started out hitting your site for Robsten news, but I'm falling under your spell. Handsome, funny and smart. Who needs Rob, anyway? Congrats on your newest family member. I have two shelter dogs myself, and I heart you for speaking on their behalf. Keep the gossip coming. I'm having fun!
—Imdelvian
Dear You:
If you're having fun, I'm having fun.
Dear Ted:
Is it true Justin Timberlake had sex with Britney Spears in a dressing room backstage at a Michael Jackson concert? I read that the sex was so loud, Michael had to send bodyguards in to hush them. Also, that he disliked both of them until his death afterward. Any truth to this?
—Heidi
Dear a Long, Long Time Ago:
Now that letter just made my day. How to answer that question? The dirty possibilities are endless.
Dear Ted:
What's up with Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler? Are they really hooking up, or is this more Vince Vaughn-like publicity for an upcoming movie? He denied it pretty vehemently, but that doesn't really mean anything!
—Tonya
Dear Boring Butler:
Yawn. Gerard is straight (I guess?), so maybe that's one step in the right dating direction for Aniston. Other than that, stupid idea, per usual for her.
Dear Ted:
Almost every time I leave a comment in here, in the image that I have to find a word says screw. It's really funny. Coincidence? Or do you have anything to do with it?
—Coincidence much
Dear Total Coincidence:
But I'm sure it only says it on the Robsten posts, eh?
Dear Ted:
What happened to the old days when you had to act and sweat to become a star and not have nine kids and a reality program?
—DaisyRapp
Dear Untrendy:
Jon and Kate Gosselin were married a decade ago, right? Since then, it's been a slow decline of television, ultimately ending up at a nadir of their big divorce announcement. Ta da. Problem solved.
Dear Ted:
You say David is concentrating on his marriage, then why did you cheer us with all that Gillovny stuff? I'm under the impression that you cheated all of us. I'm not buying all that reconciliation bulls--t because it is all a fake. And that's why I think David is pathetic. He will cheat on his wife again—it's just a matter of time.
—Anyone
Dear Sigh:
Celebrity marriage...what a wondrous, predictable thing. It's easier for David and Téa to be together than not. If he wants a solid career, he has no choice but to "focus" on the marriage.
Dear Ted:
I was just wondering, exactly how steamy is Breaking Dawn going to get? Like, almost NC-17 rated or rated R?
—Kitty
Dear Not That Steamy:
While I would love an R-rated Breaking Dawn, Summit would never make it so hot as to exclude half of its entire audience segment.