by Alyssa Ray | Sun., Jun. 24, 2018 7:00 PM
Back together…for now.
On this week's all-new Total Bellas, Nikki Bella found herself pulled in many directions in regards to her back-on wedding plans. While the WWE starlet finally got fiancé John Cena to change his stance on having kids, she realized that there was a lot more bothering her about their relationship!
"I'm all sorts of messed up," Nikki confided in a therapy session mere weeks before her scheduled wedding. "It's like a hot mess over here."
Initially, Nikki wanted help figuring out who should walk her down the aisle, as all of her loved ones had vocalized their various opinions on the matter. However, after talking through her stressors, the Bella twin admitted she was worried about losing her identity by marrying John.
"I want him to live the life he wants and I think that's why I've always sacrificed for him," Nikki confessed. "I love taking care of people, but I think I'm so over-pleasing."
"I think it makes me feel like I'm going to be forever a wife, someone's wife," the wrestling star further addressed. "Like, I'm not going to be Nicole or Nikki."
To make matters worse, Nikki admitted that these feelings had trickled into her professional life, as she felt she was only being recognized as "John's fiancée."
"Some of me is like, 'Why did I want marriage so bad? Why am I even doing this?'" the reality TV veteran reflected. "Because I don't know how much longer I can go without actually having a big meltdown."
Ultimately, Nikki acknowledged her concerns were likely a result of pre-wedding jitters, but still wanted to do some "soul-searching."
This confession came after John was noticeably quiet at JJ Garcia and Lauren Garcia's gender reveal dinner. Despite it being Cena's first family function following his and Nikki's reunion, the Bella brood was already making jokes about Nikki and John having kids.
"The girl trend keeps going. Well, it's going to be up to you two now to break that trend," JJ quipped upon learning he was having "another little princess."
Nikki then declared that she had the "best idea ever," which left John visibly "scared" that she wanted "babies right now."
"It's funny, because I feel like John's being a little quiet during this dinner and I don't understand it," Nikki later noted in a confessional.
"This makes me like, 'Okay maybe I can get pregnant at the end of the summer!' But then I start thinking about real life and I'm like, 'No!'" Nikki relayed in front of a stern John.
Still, Nikki had bigger issues to address, as she still had to inform her family about who she wanted to walk her down the aisle. After accidentally agreeing to let John "Johnny" Laurinaitis escort her to the wedding altar, sister Brie Bella hounded Nikki to make a final decision and the engaged Bella sister did just that.
"I realized that I've taken care of myself since I've been 18," Nikki stated at a family barbecue. "I've become very strong independently and…I'm going to walk myself down the aisle."
While Nikki was "proud of her decision," Brie wasn't entirely sold on the idea.
"I love the fact that she wants to show strength as a woman walking down that aisle, but at the same time, is this the strength I'm seeing with her lately?" Birdie's mom concluded. "Because if you want to walk yourself down the aisle alone, well then I feel like you're saying something else."
See everything that went down in the recap video above.
Watch a brand new episode of Total Bellas Sunday at 9 p.m., only on E!
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