by Mona Khalifeh | Sun., Jun. 3, 2018 7:00 PM
Nikki Bella won't be walking down the aisle anytime soon.
"For some reason, since Birdie's been born and I've spent a lot of time with Birdie, it's just brought up these feelings of really wanting to be a mom and I thought I could really sacrifice that and I just can't," Nikki said with tears in her eyes.
"I understand," John responded. "It's not choosing between having a child and having me, it's wanting to have both."
Though he was upset, John accepted that his resistance to becoming a father came with consequences like these.
"I'm not sure we should go through with this," John insisted. "Because for us to do it and then later on undo it, kinda goes against the principal of everything."
While Nikki couldn't imagine herself without a baby, she also couldn't imagine herself without John. "I just can't imagine not getting married and spending the rest of our lives together," Nikki confessed.
Those thoughts of a fairy tale life together made her reluctant to let him go.
"So we really want to call this off? Is that the only way?" Nikki asked. "Yeah," a disappointed John said. "And I think you know it too. I'm sorry, Nicole."
Their tearful goodbye proved to be hard on the entire family. After saying goodbye to John, Nikki's mom Kathy came to her daughter's side and it was clear she was devastated by the news.
"I feel so sad and in the same respect so very proud of Nicole for being so open and honest with John," Kathy admitted. "Nicole has spent her entire life pleasing people and protecting people that for her to sit there and go, 'What do I truly want? And is this going to make me lose the person I love that I know I should be with?' So very mature."
"I don't want to see anyone hurt, I just wanted to be a mother to both of them and fix it," she added.
"I just don't want him to be lonely. And I don't want him to regret not being a dad," an emotional Brie said. "And that's what makes me sad 'cause John feels like a brother and I hate thinking in my head that he's gonna be alone."
While the new mom felt for her sister, she understood and applauded her desire to experience motherhood firsthand.
"You and I are such hard workers and there's times there's been zero payoff, but when you have a baby, even if Birdie wakes me up five times in one night, the way she holds me, the way she smells, it's like, you don't care," Brie admitted. "I want you to feel that."
The couple worked hard to stay away from each other, but with the news of their breakup still a secret, Nikki felt forced to keep up appearances.
"At this point I feel like I'm living in a fake life," Nikki confessed to the camera. "And I have to act like I'm still with John, but I'm not with John and I'm just dying inside."
One thing Nikki wasn't faking were her feelings for John. The Bella twin ran into her ex for the first time since their split backstage at Raw 25 and it's clear her emotions are just as raw as the event by the same name.
"I'm supposed to stay away from you," John admitted. "It's taking every fiber of my being not to text or call you. I'm just trying to do the right thing."
"I miss you so much," John told Nikki. "I miss you too," Nikki replied.
See everything that went down in this week's emotional episode in the recap video above!
Watch a brand new episode of Total Bellas Sunday at 9 p.m., only on E!
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