In the midst of all the recent celebrity look-alike surgeries, someone finally spent $30,000 to look like their favorite (whatever her job is), Kim Kardashian. But what Claire, the brand new recipient of whiter teeth and a butt pad, doesn't realize is that these physical alterations will only take her so far in the right direction. In the years to come, Kim will inevitably change her look, and Claire will have to do everything it takes to make her investment worth it in the long run.


Here are just some of the surgeries she'll have to get if she wants to look like Kim...for life:

One Year From Now

-Three-foot butt lift

-Have a blazer with nothing underneath tattooed onto skin

-Tear apart leather ottomans to create new thighs

-Have boobs injected with liquified shopping bags

-Daily cleavage fusing, by applying heat to bacon fat

-Instagram lens implanted into hand

Five Years From Now

-Switch out regular voice for a recording of a sound typically used to scare away geese

-Have blood replaced with the alcohol of Kim's most current sponsor

-Have ribs removed and given to Kanye to use as inspirational handbags

-Internal alarm that makes her wake-up once a week to Tweet "I have big news ;)"

Ten Years From Now

-Have a bunch of crow wings glued to an orange (for public appearances)

-Clear six-inch stilletos attached to heels

-Replace Cheez-Wiz butt insulation (twice a decade)

-Switch out face countouring for classic Kim Kardashian Halloween mask

-Liposuction (donate 20% of fat drippings to starving kids)

Twenty Years From Now

-Full knight's costume

-Touch-ups on blazer tattoo

-Switch smoky eye out for T.G.I. Friday's Mudslide

-Have regular bones replaced with tinier, chicken ones

-Have black lace shawl stapled to shoulders

Fifty Year's From Now (Only if technology has advanced this far)

-Geriatric padding for clear heel implants

-Permanent belt made of garbage bag twisty ties

-Crynogenically unfrozen and replaced with hairless chihuahua


And finally, she'll have to have the cameras removed fro her vagina. Good luck to Claire, Courtney, and Chloe, for many years to come.

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