There apparently exists a sort of trend in China right now where people submit every day, ho-hum pictures of themselves to the Internet with specific requests directed at more Photoshop-inclined individuals to retouch and generally zazz up the originals.

This, in itself, is old hat. People have been submitting such requests to their online communities of choice, the whole world over, for years now. What's noteworthy in this case is the literal-minded brand of antagonism that Chinese Photoshoppers seem to have perfected as a result. Ask and ye shall receive. Receive and ye shall wish you worded your requests more carefully.

For instance, don't use coloquialisms like, "Make me hot sh*t on the Net please!"

Hot Shit 1
Hot Shit 2

There's something about him now. He just seems...I dunno...more accomplished somehow.

Of course, social status is a reasonable thing to strive for and its pursuit can often teach valuable lessons in humility. More especially when you attempt shortcuts to social standing by saying, "I want to look like the son of a powerful politician!"

Politician 1
Politician 2

Feel lucky, young man, that you escaped without a Hitler mustache.

Sometimes, though, the requests are more mundane. "That kid walked into the shot. I don't want any kids in this photo," seems like a fairly straightforward call to action. Unsurprisingly though, artistic licenses knows no bounds.

Kid Picture 1
Kid Picture 2

Speaking of children, if you make a childish proposal like, "Lose the clothes, more tattoos, and I want a knife. Make me look like the kind of person who would take all your money and your life," expect an equally childish result.

Dangerous 1
Dangerous 2

Finally, if you are a lady seeking to bolster your self-image, the Internet is absolutely, unequivocally NOT the place to see your intentions fulfilled. Telling the tech-savvy adolescents of the Web, "I want to look more sexy," is like telling a pack of cannibals, "I want to lose 10 lbs."

More Sexy 1
More Sexy 2

So be careful what you wish for. The Internet can make all your dreams come true...just so long as you're content with the kind of dreams that mean you're about to come down with the flu.


via imgur

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