Miranda Kerr, Katrina Bowden, Alessandra Ambrosio

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage; Slaven Vlasic/Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images

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Boy was there a parade of fash at the Victoria's Secret show last night. And not all of it was good, gals. Let's get to it.

Miranda Kerr

Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

Among the best:

Miranda Kerr would like to remind you that unlike that upstart Chanel Iman, she has cleavage, and you have her permission to, on this one magical night, look upon it. Starting tomorrow, it's back to the usual supermodel side-boob.

Alessandra Ambrosio

Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage

Alessandra Ambrosio wouldn't be standing like this unless she was ready for a smackdown, which means there must be more double-sided tape holding her dress in place than there is actual dress. Given that the frock has razor-sharp shards of disco ball all over it, we'll pass on this wrestling match, thanks. Unless our own dress comes covered in corrugated cardboard and six layers of bubble wrap.

Katrina Bowden

Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images

We almost put Katrina Bowden's dress in the Worst category until we realized that those aren't cutouts, just nude Band-Aids mixed in with the red.

Joan Smalls

Leandro Justen/PatrickMcMullan.com/Sipa USA

Among the worst:

Given that we only approve of fishnet stockings maybe once a year—if that—we cannot possibly sanction a fishnet dress. Even when it's paired with Joan Smalls.

Izabel Goulart

Leandro Justen/PatrickMcMullan.com/Sipa USA

Do you feel like Rihanna got a hold of this dress just before Izabel Goulart put it on? And that Ri-Ri was all, "God, there is way too much fabric here, gimme a minute"? Because that's the only way we can explain this.

Behati Prinsloo

Leandro Justen/PatrickMcMullan.com/Sipa USA

If Ryan Gosling rolled up on Behati Prinsloo right now and was like, "Oh, hi! Let me dress you up and take you out," she'd slip that dress off right on the pink carpet and immediately leave the party with him—in her underwear. And we all know it.

Candice Swanopoel

Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

Someone please rescue Beanpole Candice Swanepoel's boobs before they're crushed in that mammogram machine of a dress.

Thank you. Carry on.

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