Rihanna

GF/bauergriffinonline.com; Startraksphoto.com; AKM-GSI

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People write to us all the time asking what those poor miserable stars must be thinking as they're set upon by packs of paparazzi.

We've run the following photos of Rihanna through our fabulous Fashion Foto Analysis Thingbot, and now we can give you hard, research-based answers. Kill the lights and fire up the Power Point, because this is going to be one hell of a presentation for science! Well, OK, maybe just for fashion.

Let the completely reliable mindreading of Ri-Ri begin!

Rihanna

Bauer-Griffin

"I'm wearing a trench. Trenches are totally for sneaking around, you guys. So, don't look at me. But wait a second while I cheat to the light. OK, there. That's totally my best side, right? Don't look at me!"

Rihanna

AKM-GSI

"Back off. I'm not working right now. Also, my legs are awesome."

Rihanna

ROQU/AKM-GSI

"I am not on a red carpet, you vultures! Step away! Just be sure the caption mentions my legs."

Rihanna

Beretta/Sims/REX/Startraksphoto.com

"There's a reason why I'm wearing leopard, people—it's called camouflage. And, yet, you hound and hound me! It's as if I'm dressed in an itty-bitty skirt and bright lipstick or something, and...never mind."

Rihanna

PacificCoastNews.com

"Just because my abs are perfect doesn't mean you have to follow me everywhere and take pictures of them. Just kidding! Of course that's what it means."

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