Lady Gaga; Splash News

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Based off of what we've seen Lady Gaga wearing this week, she clearly wants to be friends with Donatella Versace.

And because the Mother Monster has excellent handlers, she's been well briefed on what must be done to earn that friendship: Procure four (4) golden hairpins from the original temple of Vesta in Rome. Swear to name at least two (2) of your future children—boys or girls, your choice—Gianni. Sacrifice yourself to the ancient gods by leaping into a giant meat grinder during a live concert. And wear only Versace clothes for an indefinite period, whether your boobs can hold them up or not. It's a test of strength, patience and tolerance for pain, as only a few are ever chosen to enter Donatella's inner sanctum.

Elton John made it, but it cost him his sanity, as evidenced by what he wore to Richard James back in June.

Anyway, Gaga appears to be well on her way toward earning Donatella's favor. The meat grinder sacrifice went down without a hitch. The other day, the singer wore a vintage red Versace that looked like it only hurt her boobs a little bit. And the Mother Monster also made time to throw on the infamous gold-pinned gown first made famous by Elizabeth Hurley back in 1994, the one crafted from all those ancient hairpins.

Actually, those are safety pins holding together the sides of that gown, and if you displease the Donatella, her minions will sink them into your unworthy flesh.

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