Mariah Carey

Alan Chapman/FilmMagic; Steve Granitz, Jason Merritt, Michael Tran, Chris Jackson/Getty Images

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Here's the genius in hiring Mariah Carey to be the new American Idol judge: For a reported $17 million, you actually get one judge plus two bouncy assistants who will double as a pair of unpaid publicity machines, week after week, right up until Ryan Seacrest announces the winner.

How do we know?

All we have to do is take a look at Mariah's best looks over the years. Yep, Mimi's knockers are her favorite accessory, all right. And you can bet that those girls are comin' out to play for the show's 12th season...

Let's be perfectly clear—unlike certain tween sensations who shall remain nameless, Mrs. Nick Cannon knows how to drape her ta-tas. The occasion doesn't matter. The weather doesn't matter. The location doesn't matter. All that matters is that the "Triumphant (Get 'Em)" singer would please like you to look at her ladies.

Proof? Sure.

Check out the body-hugging bronze number she sported just last month while out in about in London. Or the well-nigh-microscopic LBD we all enjoyed for the 2009 cocktail party celebrating the film Precious. Or the floor-length striped Cavalli gown the 42-year-old wore to the Mardan Palace Hotel opening in Turkey. Or the...Well, you get the picture.

Might be a good time to buy one of those 3D TVs, no?

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