If you've ever been subject to a public outfit malfunction, you probably get it.
Accidentally ripping your pants—or pantyhose—in pretty much any non-private setting can be a real downer. (Not to mention a serious inconvenience.) But ripping your pants in church? As a teenager? That mostly just sounds like a nightmare. But for a seasoned jokester like Retta, it's all fodder for her comedy.
In this ridiculously funny clip from Monday's Busy Tonight, the Good Girls star narrates an exceedingly charismatic play-by-play account of the unfortunate morning some 35 years ago when she ripped her pantyhose before youth service and then made a very creative attempt to remedy the situation.
"When I was like 15 or 16 back in Jersey, the Dirty Jerz as we call it, I was in my church youth group because I love Jesus," the Garden State native cracks, while a dramatized reenactment of the experience plays out onscreen. Retta goes on to explain that she was already running late for the service when a slight snag in her pantyhose suddenly became a full-blown tear.
"I don't have time to save this look," she deadpans. "So, I MacGyvered it."
The highly resourceful teen decided to "cut the hose and put rubber bands on them to hold them up, like a garter," despite the fact that she'd never worn one before. "It's not gonna be comfortable," Retta continues. "But again, for Jesus."
The stopgap fix proves sturdy enough, all the way up to the end of the service.
"As I'm walking up [for communion], I can feel the leg starting to roll. I'm sweating. I'm panicking. I know it's visible," she remembers. And while a 15- or 16-year-old Retta ended up at the alter with "pantyhose rolling down to my ankles," the actor ultimately thinks her younger self got away with it.
"I don't know if the priest noticed," she says. But either way, "He's a man of the cloth so I suspect he's not gonna call a bitch out."
Hard to argue with that logic! Hear the sidesplitting story in full—and find out which former Bachelor stars Retta knows in real life—in the clips above!