"I don't want to open my mouth or speak anymore, because everything I say becomes scandalous. It wears you out. So I'm a bit jaded."
On being called talented (LOL!):
"I hate receiving compliments. I hate being told I'm talented or people think I'm going to be a movie star. I always feel that it's forced or fake."
On her sexual partners:
"I've only been with two men my entire life. My childhood sweetheart and Brian. I can never have sex with someone that I don't love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I've never even come close to having a one-night stand."
On her maternal instincts:
"No one believes me when I talk about this, but I'm really maternal."
"Girls think I'm a slut, and I've been in the same relationship since I was 18. The problem is, if they think you're attractive, you're either stupid or a whore or a dumb whore. The instinct among girls is to attack the jugular."
On vagina power:
"Women hold the power because we have the vaginas. If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female, you win."
On Michael Bay:
"God, I really wish I could go loose on this one. He's like Napoleon and he wants to create this insane, infamous mad-man reputation. He wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him."
More on her vagina:
"Having a powerful, confident vagina. Men are scared of vaginas. [A woman is most powerful when she is] completely in charge of her sexuality."
"When you think about it, we're kind of prostitutes. Other people are paying to watch us kissing someone, touching someone…It's really kind of gross."
On Robert Pattinson:
"I would eat Rob Pattinson so that I could steal some of that pretty. I wanna be pretty like he's pretty. I want that James Dean, that sexy-ass hair."
On High School Musical:
"Let me tell you what it's really about. High School Musical is about this group of boys who are all being molested by the basketball coach, who is Zac Efron's dad. It's about them struggling to cope with this molestation. And they have these little girlfriends, who are their beards. Oh, and somehow there's music involved,"
On her male peers:
"Robert Pattinson and Zac—they're just too pretty with the big hair and the suits. And Rob is, what, 22? Zac is 21? That's a joke. Boys in their twenties are a waste of time. They have nothing to offer conversationally; they're immature. I feel like I have a better shot with someone in his thirties."
"I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man."
On her sexuality and ScarJo:
"I know I'm seen as a sex object. I'm just really confident sexually and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It's just there. It's something I don't have to turn on. But I have no idea how to handle it. I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson—who I have nothing against—but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard—but I do. And part of it is my own fault."
On being a tranny:
"I am pretty sure I'm a doppelgänger for Alan Alda. I'm a tranny. I'm a man."
"If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it's like—you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why"
On her lesbian phase:
"I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita. I bought her things—perfume, body spray, girlie stuff. I turned into a weird middle-aged married man...She was sort of a tough badass, but she'd do these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads."
On her current girl crush:
"Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands."
On her sex drive:
"I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I'd rather have sex with Brian all the time than leave the house. He doesn't mind."
On bad habits:
"I forget to flush the toilet. Friends will tell me, 'Megan, you totally pinched a loaf in my toilet and didn't flush.'"