The Best & Worst Real Housewives Taglines
Bravo's Real Housewives shows all have intros where cast members strut their stuff and spout a defining line about themselves, their philosophy, whatever image they're trying to cultivate, etc. Not every tagline is a winner. There have been countless lines over the years, with so many just plain boring. So without further ado, these are the best and worst taglines from across the Real Housewives franchise.
THE 15 WORST: 15. Stephanie Hollman, The Real Housewives of Dallas Season 1
"I'm the girl next door…if you live in a big ol' mansion."
Ehhhhh. You have a large house, but people should or shouldn't be able to relate to you?
14. Kathy Waklie, The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 3
"People say that I'm sweet, but I'm tough, so don't cross me."
Here's a bunch of phrases cobbled together.
13. Jules Wainstein, The Real Housewives of New York City Season 8
"A Jew and an Asian walked into a bar…then they had me!"
Shhhhhh…
12. Claudia Jordan, The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 7
"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm here to stay."
She lasted one season.
11. Erika Girardi, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 6
"I'm an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, and cash."
This just makes no sense.
10. Nicole Napolitano & Teresa Aprea, The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 6
"You're not seeing double, you're seeing trouble!"
Get it? Twins!
9. Quinn Fry, The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 3
"I love having a younger man in my life."
Defined by being a "cougar," and then instantly forgettable.
8. Peggy Tanous, The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 6
"Soccer moms drive mini vans, but this girl drives a Bentley."
Really? OK. So what exactly are you saying...Really, we have no idea.
7. Lynda Erkiletian, The Real Housewives of DC Season 1
"I give people enough rope to hang themselves, and the smart people don't."
Weird suicide analogy?
6. Melissa Gorga, The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 5
"Sexy life, loyal wife, take a page from my book."
Oof. Remember that book she wrote and said every woman wants to get dominated?
5. Alexis Bellino, The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 6
"God is my savior, my husband is my king, and my body? It's sinful."
Ew. This is just gross.
4. Kristen Taekman, The Real Housewives of New York City Season 7
"Pretty is smarter than you think."
Groan.
3. Joanna Krupa, The Real Housewives of Miami Season 3
"Don't hate me because I have it all, hate me because I'm beautiful."
Ugh.
2. Kristen Taekman The Real Housewives of New York City Season 6
"I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm pretty!"
This is the worst.
1. Joyce Giraud, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season 4
"You can never be too young, too thin, or too honest."
Blahhhh. Gross. This is actually the worst. You want honesty? This is terrible for so many reasons.
THE 15 BEST: 15. Heather Dubrow, The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 7
"I may be married to a plastic surgeon, but I'm 98 percent real."
Clever.
14. Shannon Beador, The Real Housewives of Orange County Season 11
"Karma's a bitch so I don't have to be one."
Solid.
13. Dorinda Medley, The Real Housewives of New York City Season 8
"Diamond's aren't a girl's best friend, martinis are!"
This is great, especially after her martini-fueled meltdown in season seven. However, Camille Grammer did this in RHOBH season two, but with freedom in place of martinis, so points were deducted.
12. Sonja Morgan, The Real Housewives of New York City Season 7
"My yacht may have sailed, but my ship is comin' in."
This is self-referential and good.
11. Ramona Singer, The Real Housewives of New York City Season 4
"If people can't handle the truth, it's really not my problem."
Classic Ramona.
10. Mary Schmidt Amons, The Real Housewives of DC Season 1
"I don't make money, I spend money."
Same. Also, is this the most honest tagline ever? Hard to believe this was actually somebody's introduction.
9. LeeAnne Locken, The Real Housewives of Dallas Season 1
"I grew up a carny kid—play games with me and you're gonna pay."
So much to unpack here. Yes, LeeAnne was a carny and she didn't let you forget it.
8. Dina Manzo, The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 6
"I'm back to bring the zen. Namaste, bitches!"
This was delightful. Not many people could pull this off.