Glee-Dux: The Smooches Shocked! The Girls Rocked! And Kurt's Bully Is So Not Going Away

We recap "Never Been Kissed" and tease what's to come on Fox's hit musical series

The girls did hair metal, the guys went girl group and Kurt Hummel's (Chris Colfer) luck finally turned for the better when he totally failed to be stealthy song spy in this week's "Never Been Kissed" episode of Glee.

Did Kurt stumble into a real romance? Did Coach Bieste (Dot Jones) become a romantic heroine? We must discuss these and other burning questions, so get in here!

WHAT WE LEARNED

Teenage Dream Indeed: We loved Darren Criss five seconds after we met him, we worshipped him after the sneak peek of "Teenage Dream," and now we're seriously considering forming the First United Church of Blaine. Too drastic? OK, then we're building our own Kurt-style Blaine shrine, just so we can have his picture and the word courage with us always. They say fortune favors the brave, and now that Kurt is facing down the school predators, we suspect his fortune is about to get very good indeed. Kaine for prom kings! (Did you see how Quinn [Dianna Agron] mentioned her and Sam [Chord Overstreet] becoming prom king and queen? That, my pretties, is foreshadowing of a popularity showdown to come.)

All We Need Is Love? Hormone overload! We learned in this episode that meathead homophobic football player (Max Adler's Dave Karofsky) is actually gay, clearly struggling with some serious self-loathing and loves Kurt! Kurt loves him some Blaine. Artie (loves Brittany (weird), Tina and Mike Chang are horny, Sam and Quinn are horny (does this clear up any lingering doubts he may be gay?), Finn holds off his feelings for Rachel with his nearly dead civil servant flashback, and even fantasy-buzzkill Coach Bieste got some action from Mr. Schue. Do you think all these relationships are sincere and have emotional depth, or do you side with the critics who say that some Glee plotlines seem to be powered by little more than ADD and caffeine?

She's Just a Girl in the World: How great is it that Coach Bieste made it to age 40 without becoming sour or jaded! Like the boys said, she's a nougaty chocolate turtle, and we're suckers for any tough character with a heart of gold. That kiss with Schue was unexpected (and sweet), but is it too much to hope that Bieste finds a real romance before the end of the season? Heck, maybe she could take John Stamos' Carl off of Emma's hands, thereby freeing Emma up to reunite with Mr. Schue? Or what about that other football coach we haven't forgotten...?

Something Old, Something New: Did you guys catch that the adult-school glee club goes by the name of Hipsters? Community did the same old-folks joke a few weeks ago! In other news, as Buffy fans from way back, we just have to note that this homophobic-jock-is-gay storyline was done back in the late 1990s by BtVS. You guys remember Larry, right? Big guy who beat up on Xander and then helped save the world on "Graduation Day"? We're not saying this storyline was cribbed or anything, or even that it's unoriginal—we're willing to believe it's just a classic modern storytelling trope—but still, worth noting.

Da Music: Loved, loved, loved Puck and Artie "busking" in the quad with "One Love," and the girls killed it with "Livin' on a Prayer." Props, too, to the show's music supervisor for bringing back En Vogue's classic "Free Your Mind" (in combination with the Supremes' "Stop! In the name of Love"). But the highlight of highlights was clearly the Dalton Academy Warblers showing off their "Teenage Dream" stylings to "obvious" spy Kurt. We plan to have this version of "Teenage Dream" on repeat through New Year's. Did you like it too?

WHAT'S TO COME

We haven't seen the last of Kurt's big bad bully Karofsky. His parents, who apparently had no idea their kid was such a knucklehead, even get called into the school after Karofsky gets suspended for his usual bullying hijinks. Meanwhile, Karofsky's crush, Kurt, grows closer to Darren Criss' smitten Blaine, who in turn gets superseductive around the time of the twosome's "Baby It's Cold Outside" Christmas duet.

Meanwhile, someone named Gwenith Pellow is guest starring on the show next week, but we're pretty sure that's not going to be a big deal or anything. Just in case, we talked to Jayma Mays about the whole thing and that story is coming at you right quick this morning, as well as a reason you absolutely have to stop what you're doing between 11 a.m. to noon PT this morning and help the sister out...