HBOWhen last we saw our lovely Stark children, Bran and Rickon were fleeing Theon's takeover of Winterfell. Boo! Hiss! And the bastard Jon Snow (Kit Harington) was hogtieing a wildling north of the wall. But it's all cool.
Has the Mother of Dragons found her missing babies yet? Has a wildling gotten the better of the bastard Jon Snow? Find out what happened on tonight's Game of Thrones now:
WHAT WE LEARNED
Winterfell: Theon (Alfie Allen) continues his reign of terror at Winterfell in earnest when he wakes up to find his bed empty and the castle free of the littlest Stark boys. In the most desperate attempts to gain his father's approval, his hunt for Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) and Rickon takes a grim turn when he presents two charred bodies to the town. Did he really find the Stark kids, or did some poor little Winterfell neighbors become sacrifices so Theon could save face?
North of the Wall: Ygritte (Rose Leslie) has come out swinging, and she sure is a feisty little temptress. And she is absolutely hilarious while taunting the very chaste Jon Snow. Jon really shouldn't have underestimated her because he finds himself alone in unfamiliar territory with only the Free Folk for company. Bad news.
Harrenhal: Some of our favorite scenes are with Tywin (Charles Dance) and Arya (Maisie Williams). She is too smart for her own good, but he can respect her intelligence and wit. Good on him. Also, tonight's scenes treat us non-book readers to some Westeros history. However, he's also getting painfully close to figuring out that she isn't the daughter of an unusually literate stonemason.
King's Landing: Sansa (Sophie Turner) just doesn't know how to thank a guy from saving her from certain rape. But Sansa has some bigger issues when she has her first period. Panic-inducing because it could mean she is "ready" to have little Joffrey babies. Gods help her.
Cersei (Lena Headey) must be getting soft in her old age—or just weary of her own son—because she gives Sansa some practical advice. We find out it's actually guilt that is turning her soft. She thinks her incestuous relationship with Jaime is the cause of Joffrey's bad behavior. Yeah, that and he's a spoiled, entitled brat.
Qarth: Poor Dany just doesn't know who to trust these days. Everyone she did trust is dead, gone or has an unhealthy obsession with her. But she quickly learns that she has been used by all her "friends" in Qarth. And still can't find her babies. Alas, maybe next week.
Stark Camp: The King in the North is seriously taking his eyes off the prize and is smitten with nurse girl. Danger, Will Robinson Robb Stark! While Robb (Richard Madden) is off somewhere doing gods know what, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is killing inmates in a scene right out of Oz. And then he proceeds to bring up Ned's transgressions to his grieving widow. Um, Jaime? Taunting the one person who is willing to keep you alive is probably a bad idea.
ONE-LINERS
"It's better to be cruel than weak." —Theon
"Did you pull a knife on me in the night?" —Ygritte
"You know nothing, Jon Snow." —Ygritte
"Pretentious name for a band of outlaws." —Tywin
"Most girls are idiots." —Arya
"Three dragons the size of cats and an alliance with a charlatan does not make you a king."—The Spice King
"It's hard to put a leash on a dog once you've put a crown on it's head." —Tyrion
"You may never love the king, but you will love his children." —Cersei
"You are a man without honor." —Catelyn
Do you think Bran and Rickon are safe? Will Dany ever get her dragons back? Is your mind blown by tonight's Game of Thrones? Sound off in the comments!