One brand-new couple, one former couple, one dysfunctional couple and...Ella Nolan and Kirk DeWindt: One of these pairs won $250,000 on the season finale of Bachelor Pad.
Vienna Girardi and Kasey Kahl, who proved that all you have to do is call yourself the alpha dog and the pack will treat you accordingly, announced that they were going to win right off the bat. Did they? Are they even still together?
Plus, how are Holly Durst and ex-fiancé Michael Stagliano coping after she fell for another guy? Did Michelle Money and Graham Bunn find love outside the confines of the house?
All was revealed tonight. But first, it was only fitting that the final challenge had a circus theme...
"I'm trying to act strong, because I don't want Michelle to worry, but I am literally pissing down my leg," Graham said of their task, which was to perform an aerial routine attached to ropes on the vertical set of Cirque du Soleil's Ka in Las Vegas.
We'll say this for Kasey and Vienna: The couple that connives together thrives together. They were pretty poised once the bright-colored unitards were on and the ropes were attached.
But it was Michael and Holly's synchronicity that most impressed the judges.
"Wow, are you guys a couple right now?" asked guest judge Jason Mesnick, who was there to give his "expert" opinion alongside Trista Sutter and Ali Fedotowsky, who still had a cast on her leg and was carried in by fiancé Roberto Martinez.
So, Michael and Holly won first passage into the finale, along with the job of choosing which couple would join them. The judges eliminated Ella and Kirk from the running.
"It's amazing how bittersweet it is," Michael commented to Holly back in L.A. "It is," Holly agreed, sniffling. "This is a really hard decision."
Ultimately, they picked Michelle and Graham to join them in the finale, even though they had a lesser shot at winning by selecting the more likable duo over Kasey and Vienna.
"My perfect rose record was just ruined," Vienna sulked as the limo drove them away.
Let's just say, the perennial villainess didn't look any more pleased tonight when Kasey and her ex, Jake Pavelka, shared an "I'm sorry, man" handshake in front of a live studio audience. The group was also treated to an awesome look-how-dramatic-Kasey-and-Vienna-are montage, that had both of them wincing.
"Watching that piece, I don't see Kasey," said Kasey himself, referring to his screaming matches with Vienna and his threat to punch Jake in the face. "I don't act that way, and I don't like seeing my girlfriend and I fight up on stage...I'm not like that person at all."
But he is still a person who's in love with Vienna, and those two are carrying on, despite Kasey's tearful meltdown about the person he became on Bachelor Pad.
Also still together are Graham and Michelle, who revealed that her father—who had been diagnosed with stage-four colon cancer not long before Bachelor Pad started taping—passed away a few weeks ago and that Graham had been there for her the entire time.
And what of this season's other golden couple, Ames and Jackie, who rode off into the sunset together after Jackie was eliminated and Ames caught a ride off the show in her limo?
"My heart was certainly broken," Jackie lamented when Chris Harrison asked if they were still together. "I spent a lot of time this summer just being really confused and sad. I felt for the longest time I did something wrong, that there was something I didn't do to make it work...not understanding why he didn't give it more of a chance."
Guess that's a no.
"When I ran for the limo, I thought she was the one," Ames explained, visibly uncomfortable. "But at the end of the day we're two different people, and I felt that the right thing to do was say that, sooner rather than later."
Instead, it's Holly and Blake who are primed to ride off into the sunset together.
"I am madly in love with her," Blake said while sitting in the ole hot seat, revealing that Holly is moving from L.A. to South Carolina to be with him.
Cue the video footage of his sponsored intimate proposal.
After which, they broke the news to Michael, who held it together the best he could.
Which made it all the more bizarre when Michael and Holly won the $250,000, with the help of votes from Jake, Erica Rose, Ella, Jackie, Ames, Justin Rego and Blake. "Love ya, Blake!" Michael called in a sing-song tone when Blake offered his vote.
Uh, congratulations?
Sure, the show then tried to trip them up by adding the "share or keep" twist, but both picked "share" and they will split that prize money down the middle.
"She will always be my teammate," Michael said graciously.