Christopher Polk/Getty ImagesThe Super Bowl is always a big huge deal, and perhaps this one will be bigger than most.
And not only because two of the most storied teams in football, the Pittsburgh Steelers and Green Bay Packers, are going to be bringing it to the gridiron on Sunday.
But also because Best Buy snagged Justin Bieber for its first Super Bowl ad, Disney's got a new Pirates film to tease, Kim Kardashian is bringing the sexy back to Skechers and the Force is with Volkswagen.
We've tried to narrow down the time frames for you, so you can plan bathroom breaks accordingly. But don't grab another drink, don't replenish the chips, just don't leave the room at all when the following commercials premiere:
1. Bieber Fever Meets Bat Eater: Best Buy had the inspired idea to team Justin Bieber with Ozzy Osbourne in its first-ever Super Bowl buy, a 30-second, futuristic spot set to air sometime during the third quarter. The electronics superstore is being very secretive about what these two icons (in their own right) will be doing, but the theoretical point is to promote Best Buy's new service of buying back your old gadgets when you upgrade. In keeping with the future theme, we predict that the Steelers may be up by two touchdowns by then, despite Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers having passed for 240 yards and Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger having been sacked twice and arrested during halftime.
2. Captain Jack Sparrow, 'Nuff Said: Johnny Depp is back as the roguish seafarer in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, and Walt Disney Pictures is unveiling a brand-new teaser in the third quarter, right after the Best Buy ad, incidentally. They must have figured, since the gals will already be screaming... (Honorable mention goes to 20th Century Fox, which will be airing a trailer for Rango—also starring Depp, albeit only his voice—in the fourth quarter.)
3. All in the Family: Skechers' concept for its second consecutive year at the Super Bowl was to have E! star Kim Kardashian "break someone's heart in front of 100 million people." Then the New Orleans Saints were upset in the first round of the playoffs, so they scrapped the idea, figuring, "Why bother?" J/K, Kim will break a heart as spokeswoman for Skechers' Shape-Ups (you've seen her behind, they work!), and urge people to come together on Facebook to encourage each other to get healthy. Prepare for your life to change after the two-minute warning in the fourth quarter.
4. Bugging Out: Volkswagen has two commercials, a one-minute spot featuring a little kid dressed as Darth Vader who thinks he has summoned the Force with the help of his dad's 2012 Passat, and a 30-second ad for the 2012 Beetle, featuring the "Black Beetle" character rocking out to Jon Spencer Blues Explosion's "Black Betty." One's in the second quarter, the other's in the fourth, and they're both worth watching on a big screen.
5. Guess Who? Maybe Danica Patrick was starting to let herself go or something, because GoDaddy.co went and added Biggest Loser trainer Jillian Michaels to its tough-but-hot lady roster and is featuring both in two 30-second ads, one of which will tout new sites with .co domains and reveal who the latest GoDaddy hottie is. (Psst...It's rumored to be Holly Madison!)
6. Hungry? Having featured Betty White and Abe Vigoda last year, Snickers is practically robbing the cradle by putting Richard Lewis and Roseanne Barr in their 30-second spot in the second quarter. But considering just a grimmace from Lewis is enough to make us chortle for hours, we're looking forward to this one. Like Justin and Ozzy, and inspired pairing.
7. Vroom-Vroom: General Motors makes a triumphant return to solvency the Super Bowl with five commercials: for the Camaro, the Volt, the Cruze, the Silverado and the Michael Bay. That last one, a joint GM-Transformers: Dark of the Moon promo, features Bumblebee and is going to look awfully nice in HD.
8. Beer! Anheuser-"Clydesdale"-Busch again cornered the market as the Super Bowl's only beer advertiser. Sure, the St. Louis-based company is going to promote all-American lagers Budweiser and Bud Light, but for the first time ever it's giving 60 seconds to Belgian (but mainly brewed in Britain) Stella Artois. Adrien Brody, who we loved in Coca-Cola ads, stars as a 1960s jazz crooner who's making all the ladies feel special at a bohemian club despite only having eyes for his Stella. Swanky.
9. Eminem: If Marshall Mathers is involved, it's probably going to be worth watching. Super Bowl stalwart PepsiCo snatched up the usually pretty exciting rapper for a 30-second stop-motion animation spot touting Lipton Brisk Iced Tea. According to the Detroit Free-Press, Chrysler also snagged Eminem for a rare two-minute spot for the brand-new Chrysler 200. "Lose Yourself" is the ad's featured tune, and the Motown native appears in front of Detroit's Fox Theater and declares that making top-notch transportation is "what we do."
Maybe you think we've left out a must-watch, which is why it's your job to name a No. 10!
Do you get misty-eyed when somehow a Coke saves the world? Are you salivating at the thought of BMW putting the Ultimate Driving Machine back in the Super Bowl for the first time in 10 years? Can't get enough of Jeff Bridges encouraging you to buy a Hyundai?
Are the Clydesdales your idea of must-see-TV?!
Do share, and enjoy the game!