Eva Longoria Wears Purple People Eater Jumpsuit at Cannes Film Festival—Laugh at Her Expense!

Even Eva's snappy black sandals and Damiani Belle Epoque Collection earrings couldn't save her from death by high-end sleepwear as she appeared as an ambassador for L'Oreal...

Rule number 1 about wearing jumpsuits...OK, this is also rule numbers 2, 3 and 4 about wearing jumpsuits: Don't wear them.

Don't wear them unless your boobs are concave and your ass could double as a cheese board and your hips are smaller than Sarah Jessica Parker's after a week in a steam room.

Do not and, really seriously, do not wear said jumpsuit to the Cannes Film Festival, where the fashion competition is fiercer than a Project Runway viewing party in West Hollywood.

But did Eva Longoria listen to us? No...

She's hot enough to squeeze into painted-on Marchesas and microscopic Victoria Beckham minis, so maybe she thought she could conquer fashion kryptonite. That kryptonite is what you see here—a one-piece Elie Saab Spring 2012 electric-blue jumpsuit with lace detailing and, it appears, a set of cuffs modeled after sweat pants.

Even the actresses snappy black sandals and Damiani Belle Epoque Collection earrings couldn't save her from death by high-end sleepwear as she appeared as an ambassador for L'Oreal.

Well, at least her makeup is pretty.