Afternoon Mail! Is Batman the Viciest Big-Screen Superhero?

Readers wonder if Christian Bale and Anne Hathaway are creating chaos on the Dark Knight set

By Ted Casablanca Dec 15, 2011 8:42 PMTags
Anne Hathaway, Christian Bale, Dark Knight Rises SetPhamousFotos / Splash News

Dear Ted:
How Vicey is the cast of The Dark Knight Rises? It seems like there'd be a ton of drama on that set!
—Lyn

Dear Rise Up:
You'd think so, but most of the cast is (maybe shockingly?) Vice-free. Anne Hathaway? Nada! Hunky Tom Hardy? Zilch (surprisingly). Sorry, but Batman isn't delivering the BVs. If you want a superhero flick with tons of juicy Vice worthy scoop, watch that not-so-amazing Superman from a few years back. Of course, we didn't discuss Christian Bale, who's hardly Vice-free, but, hey, he's only one dude, right?

Dear Ted:
I think I'm normally good at figuring out who Vices are but I must admit I'm stumped about Brucey Huskers. You mentioned he had a claim to fame other than music, film, or Broadway. Might he be the athletic type? I've got it! Brucey is Derek Jeter! Gorgeous, definitely a manly body, and just broke up with Minka Kelly. Am I right (or even close)?
—Holly & Mike

Dear Hot and Cold:
Yes, babes, he just might be an athlete. But he's not Jeter, sorry! Not a horrible guess, but Brucey actually has less of a playboy rep.

Dear Ted:
I finally caught My Idiot Brother on DVD the other night (love Paul Rudd)! It got me to wondering about the beautiful Elizabeth Banks. Any Blind Vices there?
—Jay

Dear Hungry for Hotties:
Duh! Clearly you haven't visited our Blind Vice Superstars gallery—Liz is even inducted with the best of ‘em!

Dear Ted:
What's going on with Crotch Uh-Lastic? Has he worked out his issues he was having? Any new romances?
—William

Dear No and No:
Crotch is as hopeless as always, both in the love and sanity departments. I'm actually surprised he hasn't snapped yet for all the world to see. It's really only a matter of time. Better start the countdown, Billy!

Dear Ted:
Is King Schlong based primarily on the East Coast or West Coast? Also, how did the newly single King's relationship end? Is he still torn up, or glad to be roaming free in the single world?
—Claire

Dear Build an Empire:
King's A-list, Claire-bear, which means that he's global (ya know, as in he's got pads in multiple places). But he's mostly here in Hollyweird. As for the latest gal, K.S. is hardly feeling weeping about it. In fact, he hardly cares at all!

Dear Ted:
Since Nevis Divine has been a popular topic and I'm sort of new to the BVs, I had a few questions: Why is 2012 going to be a big (you put it in italics) year for him? Project- or relationship-wise? Thank you so much!
—Allie

Dear New Year's Resolutions:
Project-wise, doll—I'm sure his relaysh front will be just as kookoo crazy as always in the new year! In fact, count on it.