"Different house. Same s--t."
Jersey Shore Family Vacation felt a whole lot like the old Jersey Shore on Thursday night, thanks to Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola's relationship drama dominating the episode...despite the fact that she's not even in the house (with a doll replacing her) and his girlfriend, Jen Harley, is seven months pregnant (She gave birth earlier this month.)
Last week's episode of the MTV reality hit ended with Ronnie behind closed doors with Antonia, seemingly ready to cheat on his girlfriend. Fortunately for Ronnie, Paul "Pauly D" Delvecchio, well-gelled hero that he is, stepped in, telling his drunk AF friend, "It's not worth it." Pauly D is the MVG (most vaulable guido!) of the ep, for sure.
After Ronnie called Antonia a cab (and telling her he wished they could've finished what they started), he sat down with Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and broke down over his relationship with Jen and admitted he's still in love with Sammi, who declined to return for he reunion series to avoid "potentially toxic situations." (Like this entire night, for example?)
Snooki was shocked to hear Ronnie didn't want to propose to Jen, despite the fact that they are about to welcome their first child. "What the f--k happened to you? You're being so negative! Why can't you marry this b--ch?" Snooki sensitively asked, before Ronnie started saying, "Because she's not..."
We all know how that sentence was going to end, and Snooki can't believe it. "Because you f--king love Sam? I can't. Listen, you need to stop. Stop!"
Ronnie tried to explain to Snooki, "I think I just miss the feeling of security 'cause that's what she gave. It's so f--king hard to find and I think that's why I am the way I am." (He then said he doesn't "trust" Jen. Yikes!)
And in an interview, a not-drunk (?) Ronnie explained, "Every man wishes he could be with the love of his life. Being with someone for seven years and then you don't end up with person? Yeah, it hurts." Key words there? Love of his life.
When Snooki told Jenni "JWoww" Farley and Deena Nicole Cortese what Ronnie had admitted about Sammi, the former said, "I knew it!" while Deena, one of Sammi's closest friends, said, "And that's why she's not here."
Ronnie, 32, also dropped a bombshell during a sitdown interview.
"Me and Jen obviously rushed things," Ronnie he said of the couple getting pregnant three months into their relationship. "If Jen was not pregnant, I don't know if I'd be with her." Hm...no wonder the next day and a detox later, Ronnie joked, "I think I'm going to cancel cable, so she can't see what happened."
However, times have changed since the original series ended in 2012, and Ronnie didn't even get the chance to break the news of his "mistake" to Jen, thanks to an Instagram account that was tracking the cast's Miami moves that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's girlfriend had been following. Ruh-roh!
To quote what Snooki told Ronnie, just before he went and cried in the bathroom, "You gotta get your s--t together." Truly, has there been a darker moment on TV in 2018 than a drunk Ronnie crying alone in a bathroom stall at Senor Frog's in Miami at 11 a.m. with a balloon hat on?
Jersey Shore Family Vacation airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on MTV.