Another Wednesday, another wild ride through the streets of Riverdale.
Tonight, there was a bunch of wrestling. Some of it was rather questionable, but not as questionable as the career of Betty's secret brother, which is now about to be the career of Betty as well thanks to his extremely questionable guidance.
Plus, the Pussycats got stolen from Josie, the Serpents protested another piece of Riverdale's bloody and problematic history, and the Lodges are at it again with their shadiness.
But really, so much wrestling.
So much wrestling.
A grown man (in his own branded T-shirt) wrestled his teenage daughter's teenage boyfriend and frickin' destroyed him. Just normal things that happen in high school, ya know.
Archie wanted to get closer to Hiram, both to get his approval for dating Veronica and to get info for his FBI friend, so he took up wrestling. Hiram basically owns the Riverdale wrestling team, but Archie's so bad at wrestling that his plan kind of backfired. It all turned into a strange faked brotherhood between the two, where Hiram will "tolerate" Archie until Veronica's phase passes. Because "boyfriends, they come and they go, but fathers...fathers are forever."
By the end of the night, Archie was good at wrestling, he was ignoring calls from FBI dude, and Hiram was offering him a business mentorship.
Betty's brother is a cam guy.
Chic Cooper makes his living by "performing" for people on the internet, and he nearly lost it on his sister when he discovered that his landlord had sold all his stuff, even his laptop and webcam. So Betty gifted him with her old laptop and webcam, which Hal then discovered. He confronted Chic in front of everyone at Pickens Day
And now Betty is a cam girl.
"The dark education of Betty Cooper had begun." Betty is now getting her brother to teach her how to be a cam girl, to let the darkness out in a way that's less dangerous to her palms. Might we once again point out that SHE IS A MINOR.
That Serpent stripper dance was bad enough! Hasn't anyone in the Cooper family heard of therapy? Yoga? Meditation? Creative Writing?!
Surprise! Riverdale's history is bloody as hell.
It was just a few days or maybe weeks before the town was set to celebrate its founder General Pickens when Jughead learned (with help from Toni's grandfather) that Pickens founded the town by slaughtering the native people who lived there and stealing their land.
Jughead published the horrifying story, then duct taped his mouth and showed up to Pickens Day with the rest of the Serpents, interrupting the Pussycats performance (more on that in a minute) to protest. But good ol' Hiram Lodge then stepped in to let everyone know just how proud they should be to live in a town that could celebrate the lives of its native people. (?) Everyone clapped. (?)
Later, the General Pickens statue was discovered to have been beheaded, and Hiram was all for blaming and punishing any and all Serpents.
Veronica stole the Pussycats.
After Mayor McCoy forbade Josie from singing with Veronica at Pickens Day (because Veronica is shady like her parents), Veronica sang with the Pussycats anyway. Josie watched in shock and sadness as her former friends and bandmates performed without her. It was super rude, and it was also a weirdly inappropriate song for what was supposed to be a fun family celebration.
Penelope offered Hal "company."
No word yet on if he's going to take her up on her offer, but we wouldn't be shocked if he did. Not shocked at all.
Nothing on this show shocks us anymore.
Riverdale airs Wednesdays at 8 p.m. on the CW.