Listen, we need to have a talk. And yes, it's The Talk. Actually, it's not even a talk, it's more just us telling you what we want and expect from you, and it's to be watching The Real Housewives of Dallas.
The Bravo reality it ON FIRE in its second season, and you are basically spitting in the eyes of
Andy Cohen the TV gods by not watching. "But I already watch too many shows!" you are probably whining right now. Or maybe you are saying, "I watch New York City, Orange County, Atlanta and New Jersey, how much more do I have to give to these women?!" The answer is another 42 minutes of gold, because that's what RHOD is.
If you aren't convinced just yet, may we present to you this exclusive sneak peek at the rest of the drama heading your way on Dallas this season, which includes dildos, multiple threats of violence, and arguably the best anti-hero currently on TV: LeeAnne Locken.
In just this two-minute teaser, LeAnne is accused of threatened to slit two other Housewives' throats (she owns up to one of them, at least!) and also of spreading rumors that Cary Deuber's husband Mark Deuber was "soliciting men for favors." Plus, she's also reuniting with her mother, whom she hasn't seen in three years, and of course, breaking wine glasses on tables, and turning the show into American Horror Story: Housewives with a chilling scene that is literally just her voice-over as the camera lingers on a door.
"She's gonna come for me one day and it isn't going to be pretty," LeeAnne is heard saying (through subtitles). "I grew up with a lot of things in my hands and they're not knives. They're just hands. They work quite well."
Aside from LeeAnne's many, many dramas, we've also got a sneak peek at the ladies' trip to Mexico, Brandi Redmond accusing Cary of once being Mark's nanny (with his ex-wife), and Kameron Westcott, whose life's work is trying to come out with a pink dog food line, starting a crusade against frat parties after she is served her drink in a plastic cup and not a glass at an event, and D'Andra Simmons continuing to disappoint her mother.
Buckle up, people.
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)