Sony Pictures EntertainmentYou know who just had a really rough night? The stripper (played by hunky Ryan Cooper) who dies on the job in the highly anticipated comedy Rough Night, due out on June 16.
In the movie, Scarlett Johansson, Jillian Bell, Ilana Glazer, Zoë Kravitz and Kate McKinnon have a wild bachelorette weekend in Miami and things take a dark turn when they accidentally kill a male stripper. Oopsie!
Needless to say, things go awry when they try to dispose of the male exotic dancer.
That got us thinking what are some other epic film fails when it comes to the botched body dump department? Turns out—there's a lot. Killing's easy, but the clean up is hard.
Here's what we've gleaned from watching some of our favorite characters in film and television try and fail to cover up corpses:
Don't Wrap Her in Plastic: The spirit of Bob learned the hard way that if you want to get rid of Laura Palmer for good, you probably shouldn't preserve her in plastic and leave her next to a river in Twin Peaks. Plastic never decomposes!
Don't Put Them in a Duffel Bag: You probably shouldn't put a head in a duffel bag, but you definitely should not put eight heads, especially if you are wise guy Joe Pesci. Thank you to the cinema classic 8 Heads in a Duffel Bag for teaching the world: any heads in a duffel bag is too many heads.
Don't Dress Him Up and Make Him Dance: We love that Bernie was the ultimate party guy, even in death, but if you want to keep a dead body covert, maybe don't let him lead the conga line? He can participate but it doesn't seem like being at the helm of the dance train is the right move--otherwise your dead body may just be crowned the king of the party.
BTW: It's possible in the history of film and TV, Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman's characters in Weekend at Bernie's are the worst at successfully disposing a dead body.
Don't Put on Your Dead Mom's Clothes and Go On a Killing Spree: Norman Bates had his dead mom's body locked up in that creepy house for decades. Why? Because nobody wanted to come over and hang out. That house was creeptastic and kept potential visitors at safe distance. But as soon as Normy started running around in his dead mom's clothes and killing sexy babes, the cops got clued in to his Psycho behavior and finally found his dead mama. If you're going to kill your mom and keep her body in the house for forever, keep the house creepy to keep people away, but maybe don't act so creepy to arouse suspicion. Keep it cool, guys.
Sidenote: If you live directly next to a swamp, maybe don't put a bunch of ladies' bodies in the swamp, because if said swamp ever gets drained and you live directly next to the swamp—you're pretty much the prime suspect.
Don't Tell Mom: Just because the babysitter's dead, doesn't mean you tell you mom. Ever. Put that old, crabby Mrs. Sturak in a trunk (where she belongs), lock it, grab some Clown Dogs and and have the best summer of your young life. Thank you Christina Applegate and the cast of Don't Tell Mom of the Babysitter's Dead for showing us how simple it can be.
Don't Use a Chainsaw: It's a super messy clean up. Just ask Patrick Bateman.
Don't Use a Wood Chipper: You really need to be careful if you're trying to use a wood chipper to get rid of your pesky partner because you have no idea how easily a stray foot can get caught in those things. Peter Stormare's character in Fargo may have made a valiant effort, but alas he was thwarted by a jammed foot. Happens every time!
Don't Improvise When It Comes to Hydrofluoric Acid: Hey dumdums, if Walter White says keep the Hydrofluric acid in plastic then keep the Hydrofluric acid in plastic. Don't use a bathtub, ya know, unless you want the liquefied remains of a corpse all over your bathroom floor. We're looking at you, Jesse Pinkman.
Don't Stop Digging: If you're like the characters of How To Get Away With Murder and you're trying to hide a body in the ground, don't use some kiddie shovel, get out out the big guns, or shovels, and just keep digging. No such thing as digging too deep when you're trying to hide a corpse.
And our final piece of advice: don't kill (it's not cool), but if you do—use lye. Works every time.