Told ya that party was gonna be lit. 

We might not have said it in those words, exactly, but it was no shock that Amabella's birthday party was a magical afternoon, complete with a magician, princesses, superheroes, and Frozen gift bags. In fact, it was so good that nobody even seemed to miss Chloe or her cohorts, aside from Renata (Laura Dern), who just could not get over it. 

Tonight's Big little Lies was an enlightening one in terms of almost all the families, and pretty much everything we learned was at least somewhat tragic. Some of it was really tragic, like Jane's (Shailene Woodley) tale of how Ziggy was conceived. Turns out she was raped by a man she met at a bar, who called himself Saxon Banks. We wouldn't have suspected that this Saxon figure was anyone familiar until they showed some of the act itself. His, uh, thrusts looked an awful lot like the sex we witnessed between Perry (Alexander Skarsgård) and Celeste (Nicole Kidman) last week, and Jane's description of the guy's demeanor fits Perry perfectly. 

Perry and Celeste actually spent tonight's episode talking openly about their messed up marriage, but it didn't make us feel any better about them. They even went to therapy, and while Celeste wanted to be discrete, Perry was more than willing to open up about his violent tendencies, and the violent sex that usually followed his outbursts, but still somehow blamed it on how beautiful Celeste is. So basically, he only got more terrifying.

Meanwhile, in the Klein household, Renata feared Amabella may need therapy after the whole birthday party fiasco, but she also had her own issues to worry about. Namely, she doesn't feel desired by her husband anymore, in a romantic way. Lucky for her, there's nothing like very, very loud sex in the bathroom at the office to make a lady feel loved.

And as if the continued quest to put on Avenue Q weren't enough of a burden for Madeline (Reese Witherspoon), now her daughter is moving in with Nathan and Bonnie! Madeline's sunny desire for perfection at all times, along with her need to hate Bonnie (Zoë Kravitz) no matter what, is apparently wreaking havoc on Abby's sanity and wellbeing. It's also causing rifts in her relationship with Ed (Adam Scott), but at least she's got Jane's life to meddle in when she needs to. 

Oh and to top everything off, the fall trivia night theme is Audrey Hepburn and Elvis Presley. I mean, can you even?! 

And now, it's time to find out which mom was this week's top mom with our weekly power rankings! 

Big Little Lies, Zoe Kravitz


5. Bonnie Carlson (Zoe Kravitz) 

Bonnie moved down from 4 to 5 this week because we just can't shake the feeling that she's encouraging Abby in all the wrong ways. 

For: Providing a safe space for your step kid is a nice thing to do, we guess. 

Against: Stealing daughters is bad. And when Abby used her spiritual health as a reason to move in with her dad and stepmom, we couldn't help but think she had some help with that thinking. But then again, we might just love Madeline too much. 

Big Little Lies


4. Celeste Wright (Nicole Kidman) 

She moved up a point, just because Bonnie made us mad. 

For: Props for realizing that she and Perry need some serious therapy, and even more props for standing up to Perry and letting him know she's gone if he tries to strangle her again. Stand up for yourself  (Side note: could it be that Celeste and Perry's sons were the ones who strangled Amabella, after learning from their dad? Hmmm?) 

Against: We would love to base these rankings on something other than Celeste's effed up marriage, but she's not giving us much. 

Big Little Lies


3. Jane Chapman (Shailene Woodley)

Jane moves down from 2 to 3, but only because Renata really stepped it up in terms of the petty insanity and Jane's still trying to stay out of it. 

For: This girl has been through a lot and is still managing to keep her head above water, despite how obviously afraid she is. And she really is doing the best she can with Ziggy. 

Against: Her curse-filled overreactions are starting to rival Renata's. We are genuinely worried about her mental health, and that she's not seeking any help. 

Big Little Lies


2. Renata Klein (Laura Dern) 

Renata moves up to 2nd place. She and Madeline are really neck and neck, both in terms of who's pettier and who's the top mommy. 

For: That was one hell of a party, and those Frozen-themed gift bags were a nice bitchy touch. She also did try to make amends by inviting Ziggy to the party, even if it was just to get Chloe to also go to the party. 

Against: Spiderman is not just for boys, Renata. And we were totally turned off by all that phone groveling (and all that ruining of Disney characters), and the meltdown she fell into despite the success of the party. It's also pretty hard to tell if Renata's acting in Amabella's interest or her own.

Big Little Lies, Reese Witherspoon

Hilary Bronwyn Gayle/courtesy of HBO

Madeline Martha Mackenzie (Reese Witherspoon)

Madeline's still #1 (sorry not sorry), but there are some cracks in that facade. 

For: That swanky trip to Frozen on Ice may not have had magicians or Spiderman, but it did have champagne and a Fleetwood Mac singalong. Plus, her support of Jane continues to warm our hearts. 

Against: We already knew Madeline was selfish, but those tendencies are starting to show a little more clearly. The petty Frozen trip was entirely for her and the other moms, and as irritatingly TV teen girl Abby is, we fully believe that Madeline's expectations of her daughter are a little hard to live up to. 

Abby Watch: Big Little Lies' resident angsty teen is already our least favorite character, as much as we want to sympathize with a kid who's feeling like there's too much pressure on her. Tonight, she moved out of her mom's house after joining her step dad Ed in a bout of creepy vibe-giving. We don't like the lingering looks the camera is giving the both of them, but we hope we're just making that up. 

Big Little Lies airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on HBO. 

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