It's safe to say that the poor patrons of the Matterhorn in Stowe, VT did not see The Real Housewives of New Jersey coming.
The restaurant in the midst of what seems to be an identity crisis (seriously, it looked like a barn and inexplicably served buffalo wings and sushi) was the scene of the crime on tonight's episode; the arena that housed season seven's main-event match between heavyweights Jacqueline Laurita, Teresa Giudice, and Melissa Gorga. And after what went down between the three women, we're left wondering whether any of them will be able to be in the same room as one another ever again.
Was the fight over Teresa's combative friend "Rage on Your Ass" Robyn leaving early after her skirmish with Jacqueline in last week's episode? Yes and no. Teresa certainly showed up to dinner amped up over the ordeal, getting a dig in about it before everyone's butts were even in their seats. And from there it was off.
If you had trouble keeping track of the fight as it raged on, don't feel too bad. This thing hopped all over the place, starting with Jac and Teresa having words. From there, Jacqueline seemed to lose her mind when Melissa wouldn't immediately confirm that the former had warned the latter all those years ago when Strippergate erupted at the Posche fashion show. Jacqueline saw it as Teresa and Melissa, now in an entirely different place than they once were, trying to re-write history.
"You're a fake, phony bitch. That's what you are," Jacqueline screamed in Melissa's face, adding, "Everything Teresa said about you might've been true."
Jacqueline's rage was soon aimed back at Teresa when her old friend made one hell of an accusation regarding Jac's involvement in Strippergate. "I think she warned you because she knew what was going down," she said. "I didn't warn you because I didn't know." Like we said, re-writing history.
"You are such a twisted bitch," Jacqueline replied, stunned that Teresa would try and twist blame onto her. It was then that she launched into her final offense, the one that she'll likely never be forgiven for no matter how hard she begs. She called Teresa a criminal.
Anyone who's watched RHONJ knows that Teresa has a very unique view on what landed her behind bars for over a year. She steadfastly refuses to say that she was in prison, instead calling it "camp" at every turn. While there's no doubt it was mostly Joe Giudice's handiwork that sent his wife to Danbury, there's no denying that she plead guilty of several counts of fraud. She is no innocent victim here.
But for Teresa, there is nothing uglier a person could do than to call her a criminal in a public place. There's probably no coming back from that for Jacqueline. She's very likely persona non grata in the Giudice household for the remainder of her time on the series. With that in mind, as well as Melissa declaring that she's washing her hands of Jac as well, we're wondering where the show goes from here. As Siggy Flicker said the next day, "I have never been put in a place with women who do not—let me repeat—you do not all belong together."
One thing's for sure: This is making for one hell of a reunion.
Spare Parts:
- Dolores Catania ordering three orders of buffalo wings while everyone around her was literally screaming was incredible. Simply incredible.
- "I'm crying like I'm watching soldiers come back. This is the most toxic three days. I feel like somebody just stuck me in a f--king sewer." Watching Siggy realize that this was one relationship she couldn't put back together was sad, but also amazing. Fed up Siggy may be the best Siggy.
- This exchange between Juicy Joe and Milania is EVERYTHING:
Milania: "Dad, I'm sorry, but I can't imagine you skinny."
Joe: "Do you really think I'm fat?"
Milania: "I think you're fatter than pregnant people."
- "I'll tell ya, this freaking vacation is amazing. This is better than a movie with you in it. It's like a soap opera around here!" Amen, Joe Gorga. Amen.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey airs Sundays at 8 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)