Dear Chad Radwell, we've missed you so.
Our favorite mostly lovable all-horrible jerk face Chad Radwell (Glen Powell) was back tonight, and something about his return made Scream Queens feel like Scream Queens again. From the sweater draped over his shoulders to the mention of his band, Gold Plated Nutsack, accompanied by his naked face off with John Stamos, we had missed every terrible thing about him.
But then, our love of Chad Radwell was eclipsed when the Chanels hooked up with Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis) and Denise Hemphill (Niecy Nash) to track down the institutionalized Hester Ulrich (Lea Michele) to get her advice on how to stop the swamp monster murders.
Hester's marbles may be nowhere to be found, but her comic timing has never been more on point. She was only interested in helping if her demands were met, and her demands included a room with a view in the hospital, along with several beauty products that had been discontinued.
Anyway, the real story of tonight's episode was the love between Number 5 (Abigail Breslin) and Tyler (Colton Haynes), the hospital's latest patient in need of nearly impossible help. His entire body was covered in tumors, but once Number 5 found out that when he wasn't covered in tumors, Tyler was Colton Haynes-hot, she fell in love with him. And she kinda fell in love with him for real.
She even made a beautiful Sarah McLaughlin-backed PSA about needing money for a tumor-removing laser, and even if nothing came of it, we still appreciated its existence.
Once the other Chanels, who are nice people now, determined that Tyler's love for Number 5 was real despite her surface flaws (and maybe those teeth in her vagina), Chanel (Emma Roberts) bravely went to Chad and asked for money to buy the laser.
Unfortunately, Tyler didn't last long enough to let his hotness out, because the swamp monster got to him in the night. RIP Tyler.
Elsewhere tonight:
Chad and John Stamos (Dr. Brock, whatever) are competing over Chanel, and as much as we don't quite get the appeal of Chanel's personality, we do love seeing these two face off, whether they're naked or wearing clothes and playing squash.
Brock's wayward hand sparked Chad's interest, and he got Kevin from The Office to do some digging. Kevin (who is actually named Richard) discovered that Dr. Brock's anonymous hand donor was actually a squash-playing serial killer, which explains why that hand seems slightly evil.
Zayday (Keke Palmer) and her fried Chamberlin also did some digging into what's up with Dean Munsch, and learned that her interest in the hospital has to do with some strange illness she acquired after visiting New Guinea. Turns out oops, she ate people meat, now has a deadly disease that only cannibals catch, and only has a year to live. So that sucks!
So far, there are an awful lot of things going on with not a lot of sense being made, which seems to be par for the course with this show. We're not complaining, but we do enjoy plots that make sense sometimes. Sometimes.
Scream Queens airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Fox.