There's a war on white wine, apparently, and Amy Schumer and Ramona Singer are on the front lines. After Lester Holt moderated the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on CNN Monday, Andy Cohen invited the Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo author and the Real Housewives of New York City star to participate in a debate of their own on Bravo's Watch What Happens Live. Each was given 30 seconds to explain her platform, and when their time was up, they heard a clip of Bethenny Frankel yelling, "Shut the f--k up!" Each had 15 seconds to rebut the other's argument. "Let's keep it respectful and clean," Cohen said.

The topic was pinot grigio vs. chardonnay, of course.

"Pinot grigio: Light, crisp, refreshing, notes of apple and pear. Chardonnay: color looks like piss. Who would want to drink that?" asked Singer, who made her argument before Schumer. "You can drink a cheap glass of pino—it's fine. Cheap chardonnay gets stuck like butter on the roof of your mouth and it tastes like you're sucking sticks of oak. And, oh! Pinot grigio doesn't have to be paired with food, but chardonnay does. So, therefore, pinot grigio: less fattening. Calories!"

Singer finished her statements with seconds to spare. "I timed myself well, didn't I?" she asked.

Amy Schumer, Ramona Singer, Watch What Happens Live


Schumer began by thanking Hofstra University, Cohen and the audience. "First of all, I don't know anyone alive who doesn't want butter stuck on the roof of their mouth. That sounds delicious!" she said. "I love chardonnay so much that I didn't prepare for this debate because I was drinking it, and some people like feeling like they're deep-throating an oar, and I am one of those people. And in terms of it being paired with food, well, good, because I'm usually eating."

Singer stumbled a bit during her rebuttal. "I live breathe and drink by my convictions. You—unlike you—you flip-flop," she told the Emmy-winning Inside Amy Schumer star. Thinking she had been cut off early by the music, she protested, "I'm not over yet...I timed this perfectly. I know!" Without missing a beat, Cohen told them, "I have as much control as Lester Holt did!" Singer was determined to make her point. "You are featured constantly with pinot grigio, and on your tour, big thing," she argued. "And most important: No turtle time without pinot grigio!"

Schumer made the closing argument. "I would like to take all 10 seconds I have left to tell you: You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong! I'm always drinking chardonnay! Bridget Everett and I have tried to get Rombauer chardonnay to sponsor us constantly," she said. "Look, I don't debate your right to drink pinot grigio—but you can take the chardonnay out of my cold, iced, oaky, dead hand."

The opponents found common ground during the after-show when a viewer called in to ask Schumer about working with John Cena in Univeral Pictures' Trainwreck. "He got me hooked up on Opus One wine, which is so good," the actress revealed. After Singer said she "loved" the label, too, Schumer said, "A wine we can agree on! See, John Cena is bringing people together."

(E! and Bravo are both members of the NBCUniversal family.)

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