The Internet Boyfriend is a true 2016 phenomenon. People all over the digital world decide to lay claim to a certain person, falling head over heels in World Wide Web love. They make memes out of their crush, they tweet tributes to their crush, they dedicate Instagram posts and Snapchats and viral videos to their crush.
To be an Internet Boyfriend is to know true honor. And today, we're here to bestow that honor on a wholly different kind of crush. We speak of Samson the Cat , otherwise known as...wait for it...Catstradamus.
The moniker is aptly named, as Samson is in fact one of the world's largest cats. At a mere four years old, he weighs in at a whopping 28 pounds and boasts an incredible four feet of length. In short, he is one monster of a cat—but what an adorable monster he is.
Samson's owners share his wonder with the world through his Instagram (@castradamus, of course), giving us so much to marvel at. There are, of course, many many photos of humans struggling to hold a cat of his large girth. After all, when one is attempting to cuddle a feline who is as tall as a fourth grader, one can be a little unsure what to do. Do you grab him under the armpits? Do you hold him like Superman? Do you drape him around your neck like the thickest scarf you've ever worn?
The answer, of course, is all of the above.
There are also quite a few shots of lil' Samson acting like a normal, fluffy kitty cat. He cuddles with his dad, he fights with the hairbrush, he purrs, he eats treats (like that surprises anybody), he rides in a cat stroller. It's clear to see from the photos that Catstradamus knows just how beloved by mankind he is, and we can't blame him.
Of course, we should mention that despite his gargantuan and impressive weight and length, Samson is a perfectly healthy cat. He's just big-boned! He's gotten several vet-certified okays when it comes to his BMI (or whatever the feline version is), and we've all been assured that we can crush on him without any fear for his well-being. In other words, cat body-shamers should see themselves out. Samson is fat and he's here to stay.
Now let's all unabashedly enjoy every last 'Gram until the Internet's next crush moves swiftly in.