Orlando Bloom's nude photos made him the butt of the joke on late-night TV.
CBS' The Late Late Show joked about pictures of the actor's penis (as did thousands of other Twitter users) Thursday, which were first seen in The New York Daily News. During his opening monologue, host James Corden addressed the paparazzi photos with mock seriousness.
"Ladies and gentlemen, there is so much going on in the world right now, but we want to talk about a big story that just broke today: Some photos of have surfaced of Orlando Bloom and the Internet is going crazy for them," Corden said. "Bloom and his girlfriend, Katy Perry, were in Italy. The photographers got pics of Orlando paddleboarding while completely nude."
Members of the studio audience both laughed and gasped at the news. "A woman over there went, 'I haven't seen this! How have I not seen this?'" Corden joked. "Well, they're out there!"
Corden then showed a censored photo of Bloom in all his naked glory. "Now, if you look closely at the photo, you can see Orlando Bloom, a giant oar and whatever he's using to row with," the TV host quipped. "I mean, honestly, that thing—it follows you around the room. It really does!"
The jokes didn't end there. "One week ago, Katy Perry was speaking at the Democratic National Convention. Now she's paddleboarding with a naked Orlando Bloom," Corden told his viewers. "All I want to say is: If this is the kind of America Hillary Clinton is offering, I am in—full bloom."
Earlier that evening, Stephen Colbert also discussed the photos during his opening monologue on CBS' The Late Show. "Orlando Bloom stole my vacation plans," he joked. "Take a look, paddleboarding fully naked with his girlfriend, Katy Perry. My Google alert finally paid off on that one. There is nothing like a photo of Orlando bloom paddleboarding fully naked alongside Katy Perry in a bikini in Sardinia to remind you, 'Celebrities: They're nothing like us.' Now, I don't want to rush to judgment. I'm sure there was a practical reason for paddle-boarding al fresco. Perhaps he needed an extra rudder, or maybe he's trying to tan his little Legolas."
Because he hosts a "family show," Colbert didn't want to show the same photo twice. Instead, he shared a series of photos showing the Lord of the Rings star in the buff. "Wow, I'm not judging, but I think that rectangle means his butt crack is shaped like a penis," he joked of the censored images. "Now, don't worry. Orlando did not spend his whole day paddleboarding naked; he also played on the rocks naked. There's a guy who is not afraid of scorpions."
Colbert imagined what else Bloom did on vacation, showing the audience digitally altered pics of the nude star visiting the Sistine Chapel, woodworking, bungee jumping and practicing archery. "Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry, I wish the three of you a happy summer."
When Colbert brought out his first guest, Jamie Dornan, Bloom was still racing through his mind. "Listen, I gotta talk about the elephant in the room right now," the host said. "I'm really excited about your movie Anthropoid and I'm fascinated about the story from World War II that not many people know about, but the elephant in the room...is Orlando Bloom's elephant."
"Do you know Orlando?" he asked. "Do you know him?"
"I do know him a little bit," Dornan said.
"You know him a 'little' bit?" Colbert asked, using his fingers to joke about Bloom's penis.
Dornan replied, "I feel like I know him a lot better after today than I did before."
"The reason I bring it up is that I know you follow the election. Is that right? And there's a very important election that you've been involved in and it didn't go well for you," Colbert said. "This is in The Belfast Telegraph. It says: 'Fifty Shades' Jamie Dornan Has Second Best Rear in the U.K.' OK? That must be really hard to take. Was it a tough campaign?" Dornan, who lost Rear of the Year to Tom Hiddleston, joked he was "pissed off" Colbert mentioned his runner-up status.
"I just think the whole way they came about it wasn't that democratic. Why didn't they have [a vote]?" Dornan asked. "I don't know who I would have voted for. I probably would have voted for Orlando Bloom after today—although you didn't see much of it because of the rectangle."
Colbert didn't trust the censor, either: "We don't know whether that water was cold or warm."
"That's true," Dornan said. "I'm sure there's websites where you can find out."
The late-night hosts weren't the only stars to comment on the photos, either:
Bloom, for his part, has not publicly commented on the photos.