Kevin Winter/BMA2015/Getty Images for dcpIn case you haven't been keeping up with Calvin Harris' Snapchat lately, he's in Cabo, he "writes songs" and he just added a couple more platinum records to his already impressive haul.
All of which seem like perfectly normal things to share on social media. But these aren't normal times.
For the last month, everything Harris has been doing, from deejaying to ranting about leg day at the gym, has been viewed through the post-breakup filter. And a couple of weeks ago that filter turned red and was put on zoom thanks to the speedy rise of Hiddleswift, the cuddly nickname for Calvin's ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift and her new boyfriend, the actor formerly known as Tom Hiddleston.
So many theories have been bandied about as to what really led to Taylor and Calvin's demise as a couple. A source told E! News right off that bat that he had ended things, at least a week before the world got wise to the split. We were told he didn't cheat. We've heard they still had friendly feelings to each other despite their romance being completely over.
Well, Taylor seemingly put an end to the we're-still-friends notion by going public with a vengeance (figure of speech? maybe) with Tom: First "reluctantly," the two caught by a photographer sharing a moment at the water's edge near her home in Rhode Island; and then full-on Bachelorette-style, the couple going to Nashville so he could meet the parents and then to England so Taylor could hang with the Hiddlestons. Now they're in Rome.
When the relationship hits your eye like you've had too much wine...that's amore all right.
So Calvin—whether the breakup was his idea, her idea, mutual, the circle of life or whatever—shouldn't be judged too harshly for behaving like a 16 (or 35)-year-old girl on social media, deleting his amiable post-split tweet, pointing out his accomplishments as if he wasn't already internationally famous, showing off his abs, slipping little asides such as "the steps of success—f--k you...just kidding, I f--king love you" and "who else is feeling sexy and free today, man" into his Snapchat videos, and sub-Snapping a Kanye West song that could be laden with meaning, maybe.
Who wouldn't, especially in light of the love parade taking place overseas?
But while in the words of Taylor Swift herself, "this is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less," it's impossible in this day and age to count out the possibility that everyone is winning a little bit.
First of all, when have we ever been more aware of the release of a new Calvin Harris production?
Sure, he's been to No. 1 before, as a featured artist on "We Found Love," but "Hype," with Dizzee Rascal, hit a new high for pre-release anticipation. And no one is wondering why.
But that's OK, glad he had some work to keep his mind occupied while his ex was moving on with record swiftness. And speaking of "Work"...
Thank you, determined listeners of the world, for sprouting the idea that Taylor Swift's voice can be heard on "This Is What I Came For," Calvin's latest collaboration with Rihanna, which came out April 29, pre-breakup and just days before Tom and Taylor's dance-dance-revolution at the Met Gala (props to Glamour for first entertaining the theory and mapping out the "ooo-oooh" moments in question.)
Also on April 29, Calvin told Ryan Seacrest on KIIS-FM, when asked if he and Taylor would be collaborating anytime soon, the Scot said, "You know, we haven't even spoken about it. I can't see it happening though. No. She's about to take a long break, you know?"
OK, now that we're done letting that wash over us...
But thanks to Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, with their voicemails and their mixed music messages, we all know by now that anything's possible.
Then out came the buzz that Taylor co-wrote the song under the alias Nils Sjöberg, because why not.
Then a source told us that, yes, they had heard that Sjöberg, is a Swift alias. Moreover, according to Teen Vogue, Taylor was originally listed as a co-writer on the song's Wikipedia page (always the last place you look!) alongside Calvin's, and her name has since been replaced with Nils.
If you try to search for Nils without the added onus of Calvin, you find the Tumblr page "Nils First World Problems," on which the purportedly real Nils Sjöberg wrote just a few days ago, "Taylor Swift's fans believe I am @taylorswift," another one of my very own first world problems. She uses my name as an alias when producing pop songs (it's true, google it!)."
This Nils is also not to be confused with the Swedish gymnast who competed at the 1952 Summer Olympics and was born in 1925.
While all this was reaching peak suspicion yesterday, Calvin posted his "I write songs" Snapchat, the caption affixed to a pic of him in Cabo with four young women on a boat.
Who else could use a nice vacation right about now? #NoFilter.