ABCIs it just us, or does it always seem to be the women who were featured on the show the least who do the most talking during Women Tell All?
While Chris Harrison stuck to the big four when it came to the hot seat—Jubilee, Lace, Olivia, and Caila—the other ladies were certainly not quiet from their much colder seats on the stage. Jami, Amber, and Shushanna got on Jubilee about some racial comments she had made while the twins and half the rest of the room railed on Olivia for almost everything she had ever said, and Jennifer just kept chiming in, even though we couldn't have told you her name if it conveniently hadn't shown up on screen.
Needless to say, things got awkward in all the possible ways. Chris Harrison seemed a little tired, like the magic of forcing a group of women relive their most nationally embarrassing moments was lost somehow, and there was a chicken that just didn't feel like sitting on Tiara's lap for several hours.
Chris did take a moment to make the rounds before he really got down to business, which gave Leah a chance to try to defend herself. Sort of. Her defense for making up some stuff about Lauren B. to try and sabotage the rose was "I didn't intentionally lie," which, you know, is bulls—t.
She was met with boos from the audience like they were on Jerry Springer, but given that her villainy only appeared in one episode for five minutes, we think she probably won't go down in Bachelor history as anything, really. In fact, we had pretty much forgotten about her until this show started, and we'll forget about her again as soon as we finish this recap.
Jubilee was the first one in the hot seat tonight, but her toughest moment came before she even got there. Jami, Shushanna, and Amber sort of ganged up on her to confront her over some comments she had made about being the only "full black girl," and it was the most uncomfortably fascinating convo that occurred tonight.
Race on this show has always been and continues to be a sensitive issue, and it's hard to side with anyone here. Jubilee didn't think she was being offensive, but Jami and Shushanna clearly did. Jubilee did eventually apologize and things seemed OK, but not before Leah chimed in with a totally unnecessary, "Get over it!"
Once Jubilee actually sat down with Chris, she got understandably emotional about her breakup with Ben. She explained that she overthinks everything and just feels like she's hard to love, but Chris comforted her as best he could, basically saying that she should realize she had a great guy who was into her until she got too wrapped up in her own thoughts.
We guess that's what she needed to hear, but there was still something off about using the fact that Ben was into her as a reason Jubilee should be OK with herself.
Jubilee also revealed that since she was on the show, she made Sergeant in the military, which left us wondering what the hell she's doing here anyway.
Lace sat down with Chris next, and we're still confused by the fact that when we saw her sitting up there, we felt a weird sense of pride and love. Lace established herself as a surefire nutcase during her few weeks on the show, but ever since she followed the advice of her own tattoo and left to learn how to love herself, we've discovered we harbor a certain affection for her. We want her to succeed. We want her to find love, but most importantly, we want her to be happy and confident in her own skin. And maybe to drink a little less, as well.
There was no confrontation with this one, since Lace only ever really did harm to herself, but her chat with Chris was happily positive. She's been working on herself, talking to her mom a lot, and she's even gone on a few dates. She also told Chris that she'd be happy to join Bachelor in Paradise, and then she met a guy with a Lace tattoo on his side.
We're not sure if the tattoo was real, but if it is, we kinda get it. Lace has become a treasure, and we hope her time in Paradise reflects that.
Up next, it was Olivia's turn to sit her big mouth down in that chair, and it went about as well as we expected it to. She claimed to have understood why everything happened the way it did after watching herself this season, but then she continued to assert that she's an introvert who just was far more interested in her books and her smart things than in talking to the other women.
According to Jennifer, the other women like books and smart things too, and Olivia just never gave any of them a chance. The twins really got heated about the fact that they tried to talk to Olivia multiple times about the things she said and did—especially in terms of pulling Ben aside at every chance she got—and she ignored them.
"The next four opportunities, I only did it once!" she cried. "That's pulling back!"
While eventually, Olivia got to admitting she may have offended people and genuinely apologizing for it, it did take her a while. She was bullied as a child! People made fun of her toes! Bullying is truly horrible and if she did in fact suffer like she says she did, then that sucks. But it still isn't a reason to act like an ass as an adult.
Caila's turn with Chris was a lot more emotional, and a lot more filled with silence. She was heartbroken, but after seeing the episode and seeing how Ben felt about Jojo and Lauren B., she understood.
"I want someone to look at me like that one day," she said. "I someone who can't control how much they love me."
"That's brave of you to say," Chris responded, which…what? We say that everyday about many things. We want someone to look at us like Ryan Reynolds looks at Blake Lively. We want someone to look at us like we look at an In-n-Out burger, and if we knew how brave we were being when we said that, we'd probably have a very different opinion of ourselves.
Anyway, Caila is perfectly primed to be the next Bachelorette, if the rumors are true. She looks good when she cries and she's got this air about her like she just wants to be loved but she's in a solid enough mental state that she won't self-destruct when faced with dating 30 people at once, like some of the other women we heard from tonight, and also us, and also most people we know.
Finally, Ben sat down with Chris to prove once again that he's really truly excellent at being the Bachelor. He carefully explained himself to any of the women who wanted further explanation for him dumping them, asked Amanda how her kids were, and told Chris he's totally in love. He'd get married tomorrow if he could, and he can even tell the twins apart! Best Bachelor ever or best Bachelor ever?
Next week, we get to find out which woman Ben loves more than the other woman enough to marry them! It actually looks like a very emotional time and we're already sad for one of them. We're also already sad for ourselves because soon we will have no Bachelor to fulfull our Monday night fantasies, and we just have to go back to being jealous of everyone on Dancing with the Stars. It's truly a rough life we lead.
The season finale of The Bachelor airs next Monday at 8 p.m. on ABC.