Happy freaking Bacon Day, ya filthy animals. Now, you could be like everyone else and just go out and eat a bunch of bacon, or you could live your own truth and celebrate with one of these items below instead. Simply eating bacon is no longer enough today. Thankfully you can also drink, smell like, and floss with the flavors of your favorite breakfast meat. Is this a good thing? We don't even know, but the point is, the following products are very real and more likely than not, you need them to celebrate this glorious day.
1. Bacon Body Wash. Is this necessary? Just go stand inside of a Wendy's for an hour and we promise, you won't even need this stuff.
2. Bacon Dress. If you still need a New Year's Eve dress, you're in luck.
3. Bacon Cologne. Why isn't this endorsed by Guy Fieri?
4. Bacon Soda. The people over at Jones are known for their "alternative" flavored sodas, and this is no exception. The real question is why can't we just mix leftover bacon grease with some Sprite and call it a day?
5. Bacon temporary tats. Passively promote childhood obesity by handing these out at your kiddos next birthday party.
6. Bacon Twinkies and Oreo's. Not today, Satan. Not today.
7. Drake "Hotline Bling" Bacon shirt. Drake + Bacon = #Drakon. Fire.
8. Kevin Bacon Teddy bear. God only knows why anyone would need this questionable Teddy Bear wearing a Kevin Bacon pun tee, but that's not stopping us from putting it on this list.
9. Fifty Shades of Bacon Cookbook. Evidently nothing says "I love you" like an erotic bacon cookbook. Lord have mercy on our crispy-ass soul.
Speaking of Bacon, hear Kevin Bacon talk The Following