Taylor Swift's squad realized its goal last night.
So here's hoping the twitterverse finds something else to hashtag into oblivion, ASAP.
At Sunday's 2015 MTV Video Music Awards, which as far as we could tell involved Swift and roughly four other people, the crop-top-rockin' star walked the red carpet with, sat with and ultimately accepted Video of the Year while flanked by her pack of supermodel/actress/singer besties of Victoria's Secret, Vogue, Law & Order: SVU and Instagram fame.
There was of course a reason for what otherwise would have been the most annoying thing ever—the entire bevy of beauties, including Mariska Hargitay, appeared in Swift's "Bad Blood" video, which topped Beyoncé's "7/11," among others, for the night's top honor.
As if anyone needed a reminder that #SquadGoals, in this respect, will ultimately never be achieved in actuality.
In case you hadn't noticed, hashtagging something-or-other along with the word "goals" has become a thing (like flawless, shipping and having no chill) that, when parsed semantically, doesn't actually mean what the juxtaposition of words would indicate.
And yet it has taken on a life of its own, moving beyond the realm of fitness and careers and spreading its tentacles into relationships, boyfriends, bromances, pets, apartments, brunch, dinner, offices and life in general.
Well, it must stop. And not just because Kat Dennings says so.
"Dear internet: PLEASE STOP SAYING 'GOALS' I have haaaaad itttttttttttttttttttt," the Two Broke Girls star tweeted last night, presumably in response to the outpouring of admiration/envy over Swift and her squad. Dennings added a bit later, "My squad is Netflix and a cherry tomato. I'm taking them to the TCAs so get ready."
A "goal," which used to be something personal that you wanted to achieve, or what happens when you kick a ball or slap a puck into a net, is in danger of ceasing to mean anything at all thanks to overuse and the dreaded hashtag.
While Taylor Swift has never been so enamored with herself, publicly, to describe her own life that way, even efforting a pun when she captioned the photo of her and Calvin Harris on a swan raft "swan goals," it's the pics of her and her leggy friends that sent #squadgoals into overdrive. Because now, any time two or more famous people are spotted together, they are the new #squadgoals.
"Bad Blood" video—#squadgoals. Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer—#squadgoals. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen—#squadgoals (OK, sometimes it's a true story).
Lena Dunham, who was notably missing from the Swift squad last night, charmingly tried to pretend she wasn't sure whether she and her fellow funniest-ladies-on-TV were epitomizing #squadgoals in THR or not.
Penelope Disick and North West—#squadgoals. Tyrion, Khalesi and Jorah—#squadgoals.
When you think about it, do you really want to hang out with Selena Gomez, Hailee Steinfeld, Gigi Hadid, Cara Delevingne, Karlie Kloss, Martha Hunt, Lily Aldridge and, when she's not busy, Kendall Jenner all at once? Surely each one has myriad lovely qualities, but put 'em all together... Sounds kind of exhausting. You do know that they've got a group dynamic and a pecking order just like your high school squad, only with more money, right?
There's safety in numbers, in having a so-called squad or, better yet, a phalanx around you—but we don't care how OK it is that Gigi's now dating Joe Jonas. There's gonna be all-too-real drama even among the unicorns.
Moreover, while it's unfortunate enough to have yet another means of suggesting that what you don't have, or what someone else has, is what you want, here's yet another rub:
Just as Facebook confirmed people's suspicion that everything they do is interesting and needs to be shared with 1,000 of their closest vague acquaintances, now everyone thinks that a hangout session (look, we're both wearing plaid!) is the achievement of #squadgoals. "Don't you want to be like us? We're drinking mimosas. Game over."
Mere mortals would rather be dancing on Billy Joel's piano with J.Law and Amy, so they caption a pic of that #squadgoals. Jay Z and Beyoncé doing anything together may invoke #relationshipgoals. The place that serves poached eggs in mason jars and draws sunflowers in the latte foam may elicit #brunchgoals. But what of those who claim flat out (rather than merely imply it, as on FB and Instagram) that their own vacation, their own relationship, their own artisan breakfast is the stuff your #goals are made of?
It's a vicious cycle spun out of control, so it's time we reclaim our goals (we thought that's what Pinterest was for), put them back in the realm of stuff-we-actually-can-achieve, and stay focused on one's #blessings.
There's nothing wrong with salivating a bit over the lifestyles of the rich and famous, but next time you're not baking cookies at T.Swift's house, maybe just sidle up to the dear friend next to you, snap a selfie, post it on Instagram and tag it #BFF.
And reserve #squadgoals for what really matters.