Kevin Bacon is a real ham.
In a mock PSA for Mashable, the 57-year-old Cop Car tar addresses a "big problem" in Hollywood. "In so many films and TV shows, we see gratuitous female nudity, and that's not OK. Well, it's OK, but it's not fair to actresses, and it's not fair to actors, because we want to be naked too. Gentlemen, it's time to free the bacon," he says. "And by bacon, of course, I mean your wiener, your balls and your butt."
"Game of Thrones: You've got three sex scenes an episode. How hard would it be to just show one or two wieners every couple of minute? This is an issue of gender equality. Let me be on the show. Come on! I'll play a naked wizard or something. I've done it before," Bacon says in the video. "Have you seen Wild Things? I was super naked in that. It was awesome. Matt Dillon was there. He saw my wiener."
Bacon reveals he was nude in Hollow Man, My Dog Skip and Frost/Nixon, too.
He's willing to get naked again. "Hey, Marvel: I have an idea for a superhero. It's me! And guess what? I have an infinity stone on the tip of my wiener," he says.
If other actors aren't willing to drop trou on camera, Bacon is ready to replace them at a moment's notice. "Fifty Shades of Grey: I heard that you never even see it! Why not let Jamie Dornan take off his pants?" he asks. "Or better yet, let me play Christian Grey! We'll do the whole movie in one long close-up of my penis."
"I actually have a nude scene in every film that I'm in," the actor says of being an exhibitionist onscreen. "I put it in my contract 'full-frontal' and they take them out. They say, 'Kevin, you don't need to be naked in this. It doesn't make sense.' 'Kevin, it's an animated film. You're in a voiceover. Please put on your pants.' 'Kevin, you're not even in this movie. Why are you here and why are you naked?' Bulls--t!"
Bacon wants to see change, dammit.
"So what can you do to help? Use the hashtag #FreeTheBacon and tweet out a picture of your genitals." After being told that he should under no circumstances advise people to do such a thing, The Following actor storms off set.
Stick around to the very end to see Bacon and his, uh, bacon.