Bacon Wrapped Grilled Cheese

Posted by BuzzFeed Food on Monday, June 8, 2015

Seriously people, it's time to stop with all the bacon. Enough is enough.

We were on board when it first became a delicacy. We're hip, we're cool, and we like to stay on top of food trends. Artisanal ice cream made in a basement in Brooklyn, sprinkled with bacon? Sure! Waiting in line for an hour just to get a bacon-flavored donut? Sign us up. 

But then, as America does, the movement just kept on growing. Soon bacon was being added to all sorts of foods where it just didn't belong. Bacon on a BLT? Good. Bacon in burritos? Bad. We're not, like, crazy health nuts or anything, but there's a time and a place for pig flesh that's been deep fried in fat juice. And that place is probably not something that's already hideously bad for you. 

So why now, you ask? Why have we suddenly decided to bombard you with holier-than-thou food-pinions? Because of BuzzFeed. That's right, BuzzFeed has crossed the line, bacon-wise. Their fun little food lab (otherwise known as BuzzFeed Food, where people are seemingly paid to sit around and think of odd concoctions all day long) is on a straight-up bacon tear. 

They've created not one but two nightmare-inducing bacon dishes that are sure to instantly cause a heart attack/stroke/feelings of deep, deep, deep regret. The first is the bacon-wrapped grilled cheese. It is exactly as it sounds: You make a grilled cheese and then wrap it in 10 (10!) strips of bacon. Then you fry it all up. What you're left with is basically an envelope of cooked animal parts the size of your head. 

Bacon Weave Ice Cream Sandwich

Posted by BuzzFeed Food on Wednesday, June 10, 2015

But they didn't stop there. Yesterday they debuted the Bacon Ice Cream Sandwich. A reasonable person might assume that meant a cookie sandwich with bacon-infused ice cream in the middle; maybe there's even some maple glaze in there. Unfortunately that's not the case. This "invention" instead uses bacon as the cookie. One simply counts out 16 (that's right, 16...make sure you don't skimp now), weaves them together to create a basket-like base, microwaves the new creation, and then stacks it all up with the ice cream of their choice. 

Have we lost you yet? Have you had to step away from the computer to faint/vomit/immediately eat a vegetable? Don't worry, the same thing happened to us.

Now we know that these recipes were created in good (and possibly stoned) fun and that no self-respecting human is likely to try them at home, but we just can't get the disturbing images out of our mind. Edible travesties such as these are doing nothing but sullying the good name of bacon. What's going to happen to the actually half-decent inventions when the entire country writes off pig entirely? Just think of all the bacon-infused vodka that's going to go unsipped! Let's rally together to put bacon back on the right track.

Just remember: The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing...about bacon.

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