Portia de Rossi Opens Up About Her Struggle With Bulimia at 12, Says "You're Still Left With the Shame"—Watch Now!

"I didn't eat for 10 days," she says

By Francesca Bacardi May 13, 2015 4:42 PMTags

Portia de Rossi has come a long way since she was a young girl. Now married to Ellen DeGeneres and experiencing a thriving acting career, de Rossi had a rough start in Hollywood. But after years of struggling with eating disorders and body image issues, she has become happy and healthy.

Her successes, both physically and career-wise, make her an ideal candidate for It Got Better, an online docuseries that features people who have overcome serious hardships. In a clip obtained by Entertainment Tonight, the Arrested Development actress opens up about her bulimia and anorexia, which began at 12 when she was a young model.

"I felt tremendous responsibility when I was 12 years old and I was put on a catwalk," the Scandal star, now 42, says in the video. "My modeling agents had told me to go on a diet. So I didn't eat for 10 days before then."

Even though she had put herself on such a strict diet, she still endured criticism from her peers. "I get up on this catwalk, and I'm a little kid, and I'm posing and trying to be sexy and strutting around," she recalls, "and all the other models are making fun of my bushy eyebrows."

Mireya Acierto/FilmMagic

It was after that show that her life took a dramatic turn; she started turning to food for comfort. "I got in the car after that event, and just opened up a bag of my favorite candy and put my whole head in it," she says. "And I think, 'S--t, what have I done? I just undid two weeks worth of dieting.' I mean, I'm 12 years old. So then I vomit. Erase the feelings with food, erase the food by vomiting...but you're still left with the shame."

She starts to tear up and adds, "It makes me emotional just thinking about that day. Ugh. It's just horrible."

Portia has opened up about her personal struggles before, even admitting that coming out was incredibly difficult for her. "I just didn't want to be a lesbian," de Rossi said on The Conversation With Amanda De Cadenet.

"I'd never met one for a start and I just thought they were strange and that they hated men and they were very serious and I had these ridiculous images in my head and there were no out celebrities or politicians or anybody that I could look to and go, 'Oh, I could be like that.' There was nobody that I could say, 'I could date her and I want to be like her.' I just kind of thought I don't want to live like this. I don't have to, I don't need to, I just shut down the emotional life."