Madeleine Stowe, Revenge

ABC

That should have been two hours long.

We're not just saying that because we want more Revenge (which we always do). Parts of that finale just felt way too quick, and by the time we actually got to our happy ending, it almost didn't feel like we deserved it yet. Where was the Victoria-Emily cat and mouse game? Queen V just hung out at a construction site (occasionally expertly dressed like a construction worker), installed cameras, and attended her own funeral while she waited for Emily (we still can't call her Amanda, sorry) to show up to kill her.

And show up she did, but kill her she did not. We'll get to that in a minute.

Most of the hour was filled with various nonsense. Emily basically pulled a fire alarm to get out of prison, and Victoria insinuated through flashback that she might have slept with her father or stepdad, but that was never brought up again so we kind of don't care anymore.

Once Emily was out of that pesky prison, she did what we've been waiting four whole seasons for her to do: Jack.

Our hearts soared until Emily donned a wig and glasses to go off and do some last minute post-coital revenging. Meanwhile, Jack returned and was greeted by Courtney Love, who got all stabby right before the police raided the house and took him to the hospital.

Revenge, Gabriel Mann

ABC

Emily showed up disguised as a nurse and swore to avenge her lover, while we swore we would also get stabby if Jack died. Thankfully, he did not.

Victoria, meanwhile, was so inspired by Louise's heartfelt eulogy at her funeral that she revealed her living self by saying, "Hello, Poppet." Turns out, Louise is no longer Victoria's poppet, so she helped get let Emily into the construction site where the soon-to-be infamous (kind of) showdown went down.

Victoria's demise actually came at the hands of David Clarke, who showed up right before Emily could pull the trigger to pull his own instead, bringing Victoria down. She did not, however, go all the way down, and she decided to do the most predictable thing ever and shoot Emily from the ground, right in the heart.

It looked for a second like Emily would be taking that second grave, and we honestly started to panic. We thought we were ready for Emily to die, but we were very wrong about that. Fortunately, our panic only had to last through a commercial break, because it was revealed right after that Emily was alive and well and laying flowers on the grave of…David!

A quick flashback to wintertime showed David dying on the porch of the beach house with Emily by his side. Then, a flash forward or something found Emily preparing for her wedding. 

Emily VanCamp, Revenge

ABC/Danny Feld

Nolan wondered whether he would be able to move on with his life without Revenge (or probably just revenge), which is a good question because these people don't seem to know how to do anything else.

Then, Emily and Jack got married (his second wedding to "Amanda Clarke") before she gifted him with a new puppy (Sammy 2.0) and they were sailing away happily on a boat, but there were two matters yet to deal with.

First, how did Emily survive that gunshot? Apparently her heart was so damaged that she needed a transplant, so the doctors took…Victoria's heart. We were then too busy LOL'ing to understand the next part. Was that actually just Emily's nightmare, or did that actually happen? Either way…LOL.

And finally, Nolan. He was at the bar when a handsome young man approached him, and we totally thought the guy was going to hit on him (which would have been welcome), but instead he handed him a newspaper article. Apparently his mother's been falsely accused of embezzlement, and he needs Nolan's help. Nolan is the new Revenger, and we need that spinoff IMMEDIATELY.

"A stylish, witty, bisexual billionaire uses his technological expertise to exact revenge for those who have been wronged." How is that not already a show?! Give it to us now, ABC!

Anyway, that's that. Revenge is over, Emily and Jack are together forever, Victoria's dead, Emily still never directly had to kill anyone, and that's really all that we can actually hope for.

Goodbye, Revenge. You will be missed, you crazy cat.

So what did you think? Vote in the poll below then head to the comments to weigh in!

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