How low can we go, 'Merica?
Divorce Court might just be trying to find out. On Friday, the show posted a clip to its YouTube page that shows a man named Nathan accusing his on-off girlfriend Lia of "of sleeping with the entire Wu-Tang clan."
As Nathan puts it, "She gave Wu some tang"—a claim Lia adamantly denies. She says she hung out with some members of the hip-hop group backstage after their show, returning home to Nathan around 7 a.m. the next morning, but she insists, "Nothing inappropriate happened, and let me just put on the record that Wu-Tang is nothing but gentlemen."
These improbable infidelity allegations are only the beginning of Nathan and Lia's purported problems, though. In the full episode of Divorce Court, posted to the show's YouTube page back in February, Nathan accuses Lia of teaching his 4-year-old niece "how to twerk on a handstand—invertedly." Lea denies this.
And while Judge Lynn Toler tries to encourage "stay(ing) above the gutter—just a little," Nathan can't help but recount the time, he says, Lia "zapped me with a taser gun" to demonstrate what menstrual cramps feel like. "I peed on myself," he says.
Admittedly, Lia says she "didn't know it was gonna hurt him like that."
Nathan also claims Lia refers to him as her "anorexic boyfriend" and makes repeated attempts to fatten him up with extra butter, mashed potatoes, etc. Lia admits to purchasing him a fat suit to wear in the bedroom, saying it was "more of a joke" than something to be taken seriously, though.
Again, though, that's the least of their worries. Lia isn't satisfied with "our sex life" because as she puts it, "I don't necessarily believe Nate is 100 percent straight." He insists, however, he is "100 percent straight," prompting a little back-and-forth between the two about what goes on in the boudoir.
But wait: Why are these two non-married individuals going before a judge with these issues in the first place? Lia wants $3,500 from her on-off flame because, she claims, he "gave me bed bugs" back in 2011.
Judge Toler isn't sold, though, pointing out to Lia that it's 2014 (or was at the time of taping). "You know you're not getting any money, right?" she asks. "I don't know if he gave you bedbugs—it was three years ago. You were sleeping with him, you were fine with it—there will be no recovery in this matter."
According to a Divorce Court voiceover, "Lia and Nathan respect the judge's verdict and have moved on."
Bless.