Holly Madison Reveals She Contemplated Suicide While Living at the Playboy Mansion in New Memoir

Her new book takes a look at some her darker moments in the famous household

By Francesca Bacardi Mar 23, 2015 8:16 PMTags
Holly Madison, InstagramInstagram

If you think life at the Playboy Mansion is constant glamorous, you'd be wrong...at least, according to Holly Madison's new book.

Down the Rabbit Hole takes a look at some of Madison's darker moments while living as one of the Girls Next Door under Hugh Hefner's roof. Publisher Harper Collins revealed in a press release, per Entertainment Tonight, that Madison's memoir reveals how dark of a time Madison had in the famous household.

"...What seemed like a fairytale life inside the Playboy Mansion—including A-list celebrity parties and her own #1-rated television show for four years—quickly devolved into an oppressive routine of strict rules, manipulation, and battles with ambitious, backstabbing bunnies," the release stated.

All of the drama would lead to a downward spiral for the reality TV star that ultimately made her become so unhappy that she debated ending her own life.

"Life inside the notorious Mansion wasn't a dream at all—and quickly became her nightmare. After losing her identity, her sense of self-worth, and her hope for the future, Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide," the release continued.

Elayne Lodge/Playboy Enterprises

"In this shockingly candid and surprisingly moving memoir, this thoughtful and introspective woman opens up about life inside the Mansion, the drugs, the sex, the abuse, the infamous parties, and her real behind-the-scenes life with Bridget [Marquardt], Kendra [Wilkinson], and, of course, Mr. Playboy himself."

Madison appeared on the E! show, the Girls Next Door, from 2005-2010. Now she is married to Pasquale Rotella, with whom she shares a 2-year-old daughter, Rainbow Aurora. But she told the Las Vegas Review she wants to have more kids soon!

"Definitely in the next couple years," she said of having baby No. 2. "We want rainbow to have siblings relatively close to her in age."

Cast and housemate Wilkinson has also moved on from the show, having married Hank Baskett and giving birth to two kids: Hank and Alijah. Hefner married Crystal Harris, another Playboy bunny, in 2012. 

If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).