Amy Schumer performed a stand-up routine at Night of Too Many Stars, and her spot on observations about the world's beauty standards will leave you laughing for a long time.

Joking about the gorgeous women in L.A. and her career in Hollywood, Schumer said she was "really glad" the fundraiser took place in New York because she's "too disgusting for L.A."

"In L.A. my arms register as legs," she joked. "They're like, 'What is that octopus walking around?'"

But her perception of herself changed last year after she had written a movie and the studio not only picked it up, but also asked her to star in it! She was shocked by the offer because she thought they would choose "one of the Kates" aka Kate Upton or Kate Middleton LOL. Then movie execs asked her to make a big change.

Amy Schumer

Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images for Ms. Foundation For Women

"'We want you to be in the movie, but stop eating,'" she recalled. She proceeded to joke about her eating habits, saying that she has never forgotten to eat lunch and in fact often finds herself saying, "Oh my God s--t I had two lunches today," more often than not. But after meeting with a trainer she realized that she didn't have to make any sacrifices to star in her own movie.

"Maybe I don't need to do anything," she pondered. "They asked me to star in a movie. Am I maybe gorgeous? I think every girl has this sneaking suspicion, but then my stunt double was a guy."


Although her jokes range from innocent self-criticisms to observations about sex, she did make one joke that, while hysterical, definitely has some truth to it!

"I think that I get labeled a sex comic just because I'm a woman," she said. "I feel like a guy could get up here and literally pull his d--k out and everyone would be like, 'He's a thinker.'"

The crowd clapped and cheered, which prompted her to say, "Thank you, the ladies and three guys."

Her movie, Trainwreck, which also stars Bill Hader, hits theaters July 17, 2015. 

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