Universal Pictures and Focus FeaturesFifty Shades of Grey fans finally got their fix!
The highly anticipated erotic film based on the E.L. James trilogy starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson finally hit the big screen, which allowed admirers of the book to—at last—visually experience the super-sexy story unfold with actual people on a huge screen in front of your face. Talk about a long tease!
And although watching Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele get hot and heavy in the Red Room of Pain was probably enough for people to mark this film as a success, there were a few instances in the movie that just made us go really?! Sure, a lot of these were explained in the book, but if you sat in that theater with no information other than these two people do it a lot, these things may have confused you.
(Along with the fact that a college virgin managed to seduce a billionaire bachelor into wanting to sex her up all day, every day just like that).
Here are 13 totally unrealistic things from the Fifty Shades of Grey movie:
1. Living Conditions: If all it takes is one roommate and working at a hardware store to be able to afford such a nice apartment in Portland, and then again in Seattle, we're packing our bags. Granite countertops, great square footage and amazing lighting on a student's budget? Yeah, right.
2. How Convenient: OK, you guys, there's no way Anastasia would have just been able to find perfect parking right in front of Christian Grey's building in such a high-traffic area. Realistically, she probably would have had to circle the block a couple times, finally find side street parking and then come back to a ticket because it was permit only.
3. Not Prepared: Then she walks out and it's raining and she's just chilling there without an umbrella. It's Seattle, Anastasia! You know better!
4. WTF Mom?!: Oh, mom, you can't come to my college graduation because your husband's foot is broken? No, that is definitely NOT OK. You get your ass over here. Thanks, bye.
5. Writing Utensils: Since when do corporations like Grey House offer company pencils instead of pens? Who even uses pencils anymore? Although maybe it's a symbol for his fear of commitment? Ooooh...
6. Perfect Tresses: It's a very rare occasion that one's bangs aren't totally effed up after getting banged. And Anastasia isn't even doing the regular stuff, she's going hardcore, yet her fringe looked perfectly fine afterwards. Every. Time.
7. Again, WTF Mom: Whose mother sees her daughter on a visit and then just gets up and walks away when her boyfriend—that you didn't even know existed—randomly turns up out of nowhere instead of sitting there and interrogating him? Oh, maybe the same mom who didn't care about going to your college graduation.
8. Wasted Food: There was free wine and sushi given to Anastasia and Christian during their "business meeting," and she didn't even touch it. It's free sushi, girl!
9. Speaking of That "Meeting": The lighting was atrocious. How could they even read the contract in such a dark, orange-lit room? That couldn't have been good for their eyes.
10: Time For an Upgrade: Christian will fix your Macbook. He'll buy you a luxury car. But the guy can't even upgrade your old school, Razor-inspired flip phone to a smartphone? Hmm, maybe he doesn't care that much after all.
11. Again With the Food: It doesn't matter how much you love your roommate, if you ask them if they're hungry and they say no, and then come over and steal your sandwich, there's gonna be a fight.
12. Heavy Sleeper: How does Anastasia stay in such a deep sleep when Christian comes in, sits on the bed and then confesses his life story? WAKE UP, WOMAN!
13. Strong Stomach: It would have taken less than two nanoseconds for someone to completely barf all over that glider when Christian was making it flip and dive all crazy in the air with Anastasia. Yet, she was perfectly fine.
On the Flip Side: There was one totally relatable scene, and that was when Anastasia drunk dialed Christian while waiting to use the bathroom at the bar. Girl, we've all been there.
Did you notice anything else that seemed a bit too unrealistic? Sound off in the comments!
—Additional creative observation by Taylor Banks